Because, like Stephen Colbert, I don’t care for bears. Especially bears with human qualities. One day, they’re wearing a tie; the next, they’re growing opposable thumbs and programming technically advanced robots that slash your face and steal your pic-a-nic baskets. I mean, just look at that Charmin bear. Oh, she’s so cute, enjoying that toilet paper, right? Nope. All she’s thinking is how much she’d like to rope that toilet paper around your neck so she can get rid of you, move into your house, and steal your boyfriend. And then, before you know it, she’ll kick him out and everything will be like Saturday Night Live‘s “Bear City.” Am I being paranoid today, PopWatchers? And what do you think of Yogi Bear‘s CGI bear?