the days were numbered for Betty’s braces, but last night, the ugly things finally came off! “Goodbye braces!” Betty screamed at the beginning of the hour. And it all happened in a stunning episode that featured one of my faves, Kathy Najimy (above, with Betty), as Betty’s orthodontist and ghostly shepherd through what the magazine editor’s life would have been like had she always had a perfect smile. In short, such a scenario would have been horrible: Betty would have been Willy’s right-hand woman and the managing editor at Mode; Hilda would have been the “ugly sister” and Justin never would have been born (and thus, he never would have reunited with Austin last night, after last week’s kiss!); Ignacio would have been a skeeze-ball with a mean, demanding bookie; Marc would have been a cowering receptionist at Mode; and Betty would have slept with Daniel at some point in this other dimension. Say it ain’t so!We’ve known since the beginning of the season that
Thankfully, it wasn’t a permanent future.
The ridiculousness of such a reality, however, made for one truly heartwarming episode that honestly made me tear up a little bit when I thought about how we only have three more episodes to go. And truly, the way the braces eventually came off — with the entire Mode staff surrounding Betty at the Guggenheim — couldn’t have been more spot on if I had dreamed it up myself. Literally, the people that helped Betty blossom into the wonderful woman she is surrounded her as a symbol of her youth was removed. It felt like such a moment. So my question: Where will I get such “heart” on television after Betty makes its exit on April 14? Sigh. And where will I get my fix of such great sound bites? As usual, I collected them for your enjoyment. The nature of the episode — and general lack of Marc, Amanda, and Willy on screen — led to a low-level of gut-busting bites, but I rounded up my favorite 11 here:
“Tyler. Interesting. I’m totally on board.” —Marc, upon encountering Amanda’s new boy-toy and Daniel’s half-brother, Tyler, in his kitchen wearing a tight pink shirt of Amanda’s
“Marc, nothing happened. Honest to Prada!” —Amanda, to Marc, when Claire’s son Tyler leaves their apartment after spending the night
“No one’s ever seen her smile. Everyone knows she’s a cast-iron bitch. I mean, look at her! The last time she smiled was when Dick Cheney shot that guy in the face.” —Daniel, about the tough-as-nails bra maker Eve Seduction
“I’ve been working double duty. I’m showing Anna Paquin what her life would have been life if she didn’t have that giant gap in her teeth.” —Dr. Frankel, after Betty asks her where she’s been
“You ate a bagel?” —Wilhelmina, to her assistant Marc, in Betty’s otherworldly, no-braces dimension
“Ah, clever—I’m a vampire. Well, excuse me if I don’t suck your blood, it’s a little early to consume that much booze.” —Betty, to nemesis Claire, in her otherworldly, no-braces dimension
“I don’t believe I’m in cahoots with Wilhelmina. How could having perfect teeth change me this much?” —Betty, after seeing that no-braces Betty would be scheming with Willy at Mode
“I’ll tell you what’s going on. Betty is a breast man!” —Wilhelmina, after Betty gets her braces stuck on the diamond-encrusted one-million-dollar bra
“Yes, yes, congratulations, Betty! Your smile will no longer induce seizures in children!” —Willy, after Betty gets her braces off
“No, Marc, this shoot is an A-cup. My plan for the Meades? Double-D!” —Willy, after Marc asked her whether the million-dollar-bra sabotage was her scheme to bring down the Meades
“Hey, did I tell you my brilliant idea? Million dollar thong!” —Amanda, to Tyler, while at the million-dollar-bra photo shoot
What’s your fave? Did I miss some of the best lines? Let me know in the comments below!
More ‘Ugly Betty’ Bites from EW.com: