Am I the only one who has no idea what is happening on this show right now? After we nearly had to have a green card wedding to keep Luc in the country, his Visa poof! magically came through in last night’s episode. “Kiss me. I’m legal,” he told Sarah. Because he looks good shirtless in her satin sheets, can quote Casablanca, and knows how to fix a car, she was understandably ecstatic. The problem: Sarah had already phoned Kevin to ask him for legal advice and he reached out to someone at his old firm. A female employee there who used to have crush on him and now has a political blog or something, started the rumor that Kitty had pulled strings for Luc’s Visa and was taking jobs away from Americans. Kitty only heard about this when she went to speak to the Burbank Boosters Club and got booed by people holding up signs like “Hi Kitler” and “Frenchie Go Home.” Some blogs still don’t call to get confirmation or comment. Tsk-tsk.
The paparazzi found Sarah’s house and ambushed her and Luc on their way home from a run. Sarah, always colorful, didn’t take kindly to being asked how much older she was than Luc and sort of attacked one guy’s camera and uttered the word “douchebag,” which, frankly, isn’t used enough in primetime. Sarah blamed Kitty for turning unwanted attention on her and getting her dubbed The Famous Pasadena Cougar; Kitty blamed Sarah for not keeping her cool in front of the paparazzi and for giving the political blogosphere ammunition in the first place by getting involved with Luc. Honestly, if I didn’t have to recap this show, I’d be tempted to boycott it for the way ABC promos episodes. That telephone blowout between Kitty and Sarah wasn’t anywhere near as intense as we were led to believe it would be. Oh, and Luc isn’t actually a former porn star. It turns out he used to fetch wine and cigarettes, sweep the floor, and wash dishes at his uncle’s brothel — where his parents sent him when they started having problems because they thought it was just a hotel. (Sure. Why not.) Kitty had wanted Luc and Sarah to voluntarily surrender his Visa because she knew the State Department would eventually cave to pressure and launch an investigation. Sarah had wanted Kitty to fight it, until Luc told Sarah he had to put an end to the trouble he was causing. Even with his new Visa revoked, he had three weeks left in the States, but he decided to leave for France now. The douchebag was at the bar at LAX and was filming Luc and Sarah’s goodbye when Kitty and Kevin rushed in. Having talked it over with Robert, who was surprisingly chill about the “scandal” and suggested they do televised interviews refuting the string-pulling claims and fight for Luc, Kitty was ready to do battle. “Kevin, get me the douchebag,” she said. Kitty then used him to film her own viral video. She explained her position on legal immigration and increased border control, she and Sarah took turns calling each other “flaming liberal” and “crazy”/”conservative,” and Kevin stepped in to bring the point home: “This right here’s what’s so great about our family: We can despise each other’s political opinions, but we don’t despise each other.” That, Kitty said, is the spirit she hopes to take to Washington. If her ideology is so rigid that she can’t see another point of view or her loyalty lies with her party instead of her country, she wants the voters to send her home. The bar patrons whose hands weren’t busy filming on their phones or digital cameras applauded. Luc will stay to fight the system another day. I suspect he and Sarah got a room at a hotel near the airport and celebrated.
Speaking of sex, let’s address Kevin’s situation. After a career aptitude test told him he was qualified for nothing, he wanted to take advantage of the one perk of being unemployed, daytime sex. Scotty, however, had to go and answer the phone (hoping it was his boss canceling their meeting, so it wouldn’t have to be a quickie). Instead, it was Sarah, then Kitty, dragging Kevin into the two things he wanted to avoid: law and politics. When he put the two phones together so his sisters could talk to each other, I howled. Walker Sibling Phone Tree Powers Activate! Kevin naturally ran interference between them as the “scandal” got legs. He wanted an apology for being dragged into their mess, but they wouldn’t give him one. Cue Sarah’s air violin. On the one hand, that’s what you do: You help out a sibling if you have the skills to. On the other: You shouldn’t be forced to do something professionally just because you’re good at it. In the end, Kevin told Scotty he enjoyed all he had to do that day because he was doing it for family. So, I’m not sure where that leaves him: Is he saying he’ll help run Kitty’s campaign to spare her from her humorless staff until he discovers what he really wants to do with his life? I thought, Oh, it’ll give him a paycheck, which he and Scotty can use since the restaurant Scotty worked at just closed. But then Scotty talked about taking on catering jobs to support them, so I’m not sure if Kevin just meant he’ll help Kitty for free whenever she really needs him… Regardless, Kevin encouraged Scotty to start his own restaurant, which he’ll need cash for… Could that be Nora’s in for getting him to sell his shares of Ojai?
I’ve left Nora for last because I understood her actions least. With Saul harassing her to remember the lyrics to that song “Narrow Lake,” and Rebecca wanting to give the $2 million William left her to Holly and Ojai so they both stay afloat while Holly figures out why Dennis York wants the company so badly, Nora went insane. She arranged to see York, and he told her if she doesn’t get the kids to sell him their shares, he’ll tell them what happened. Nora didn’t tell any of the kids where she was headed next. She just set the thermostat in her house to 50 degrees and got on a plane to Seattle to see Tommy. He, of course, was just as much of a joy as he always was. Julia still hates him and isn’t letting him see Elizabeth as much. He got a job, but he’s still so destitute that he’s living without proper wine glasses. Nora was there to ask him to come home: She can get all the kids to sell their shares but Sarah. She needs him to convince her. Tommy hated the idea at first: Ojai was Ground Zero for everything that went wrong with his life, he said. But the next day, watching his daughter cheat at mini golf, he agreed to go. I’m confused about what Nora is afraid York will reveal to the children. Do they not know how William got the company? Or is there another “sin” of William’s she’s afraid will come out? Tommy at least seemed to recognize York’s name. Does Nora want the kids to sell Ojai to preserve what little opinion they have left of their father, or so they’ll have no more ties to him at all? Either way, my patience for this storyline is wearing thin. I don’t like to see so much worry in Nora’s face that it actually makes her look old enough to be these kids’ mother. And if you don’t want to raise red flags about your behavior and make your snooping-prone kids suspicious, Nora, maybe tell them you’re headed out-of-town for the weekend to see Tommy. That’s allowed. He’s your son.
What did you think of the episode? Are you as confused as I am? One last question: Do the Walker children all crash at Nora’s when they meet there for latenight family meetings where the wine flows? Or do they drive home tipsy?