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Oscar's greatest sound bites

An homage to some of the funniest, weirdest, wildest moments in Academy history

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On Oscar night, people say the darndest things! An homage to some of the funniest, weirdest, wildest moments in Academy history.

”Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah.” — David Letterman, 1995

”Isn’t it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?” —David Niven, not missing a beat after a streaker ran past him on stage, 1974

”Julie Andrews showed us that the hills are still alive.” —Johnny Carson, referring to Andrews’ topless turn in S.O.B., 1982

”Thank you…very much indeed.” —Alfred Hitchcock, accepting the Thalberg Award, his only Oscar ever, 1968

”I’d be lying if I said I haven’t made a version of this speech before. I think I was probably 8 years old and staring into the bathroom mirror, and this would have been a shampoo bottle. Well, it’s not a shampoo bottle now.” —Kate Winslet, winning Best Actress for The Reader, 2009

”[Marlon Brando] very regretfully cannot accept this very generous award.” —Sacheen Littlefeather, appearing on behalf of Marlon Brando, who won Best Actor for The Godfather, 1973

”I believe he told his mother where the library is.” —Jon Stewart, ”translating” the Spanish portion of Javier Bardem’s acceptance speech for No Country for Old Men, 2008

”Maybe critics are right, maybe Hollywood movies are too violent. Now, I took a 9-year-old kid to see Gladiator and he cried through the entire film. Now, maybe it was because he didn’t know who I was.” —Steve Martin, 2001

”As you can see, I did receive my Academy booklet on how to dress like a serious actress.” —Cher, wearing a Bob Mackie outfit, 1986

”Every time an Oscar is given out, an agent gets his wings.” —Kathy Bates, 2003

”I’m the king of the world! WHOOO!” —James Cameron, winning Best Director for Titanic, 1998

”This couldn’t have happened to a nicer fella!” —Ben Johnson, winning Best Supporting Actor for The Last Picture Show, 1972

”Am I allowed to say I really wanted this?” —Steven Spielberg, winning Best Director for Saving Private Ryan, 1999

”He has no genitalia, and he’s holding a sword.” —Dustin Hoffman, after a long silence staring at his Oscar for Best Actor for Kramer Vs. Kramer, 1980

”Forty years I’ve been chasing Sidney. They finally give it to me, what do they do? They give it to him the same night.” —Denzel Washington, winner Best Actor for Training Day, on Sidney Poitier’s honarary Oscar, 2002

”Stick-man, I see you!” —Julia Roberts, winning Best Actress for Erin Brockovich, to pit conductor Bill Conti, 2001

”This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom.” —Melissa Ethridge, backstage after winner a Best Song Oscar for ”I Need to Wake Up” from An Inconvenient Truth, 2007

”Hello, gorgeous!” —Barbra Streisand, upon winning Best Actress jointly with Katharine Hepburn for Funny Girl, 1969

”It’s always nice to get an Oscar.” —Ingrid Bergman, accepting an Oscar (her third) for Murder on the Orient Express, 1975

”You know you’ve entered new territory when you realize that your outfit cost more than your film.” —Jessica Yu, Best Documentary Short winner for Breathing Lessons: The Life and Work of Mark O’Brien, 1997

”It’s a funny thing about winning an Academy Award, this will always be sort of synonymous with your name from here on in. It’ll be ‘Oscar winner George Clooney, Sexiest Man Alive 1997, Batman, died today in a freak accident.”’ —George Clooney, winning Best Supporting Actor for Syriana, 2006

”Tom…if you had won this, your pot price would have gone down so fast. Have you any idea what supporting actors get paid?” —Michael Caine (The Cider House Rules), to fellow nominee Tom Cruise, 2000

”Jack Palance just bungee jumped off the Hollywood sign.” —Billy Crystal, after Palance did one-armed push-ups on stage, 1992

”I guess you didn’t think it was possible for anyone to overdress for this affair?” —Bette Midler, 1982

”The trouble with living this long is you know so many people and you can’t remember their names.” —Clint Eastwood, winning Best Director for Unforgiven, 1993

”I bet they didn’t tell you that was in the gift bag.” —Adrien Brody (Best Actor, The Pianist), to Halle Berry after kissing her, 2003

”I know you Americans are famous for your hospitality, but this is really ridiculous.” —Julie Andrews, winning Best Actress for Mary Poppins, 1965

”I would like to be Jupiter and kidnap everybody and lie down in the firmament making love to everybody.” —Roberto Benigni, winning Best Actor for Life is Beautiful, 1999

”Shame on you, Mr. Bush. Shame on you. And anytime you’ve got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up.” —Michael Moore, winning Best Documentary feature for Bowling for Columbine, 2003

”I can’t deny the fact that you like me! Right now, you like me!” —Sally Field winning Best Actress for Place in the Heart, 1985