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'House': Wilson and wood nymphs made a porno

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Even if you don’t watch House, you can probably appreciate the idea of Robert Sean Leonard’s Dr. Wilson in a Z-grade porno flick called “Feral Pleasures.” His college roommate was a film major, he was just helping him out, the naked scenes weren’t really him, blah blah blah yeah whatever, Wilson. YOU KNOW YOUR TOUCH RELEASED THE PAGAN FANTASY IN A LOVER’S SOUL. Bonus images of “Feral Pleasures” after the jump. Be not afraid.

I found “Private Lives”‘ patient-of-the-week especially infuriating — are all bloggers this lame in person? Don’t answer that. I really liked when Chase, who somehow never realized he was so pretty, said “I’ve been deluding myself that I’m actually connecting with people,” because he could have been speaking for guest star Laura Prepon’s blogger character or House himself. But aside from Wilson’s amateur porno, the speed-dating scene was my favorite part of the episode by far. In fact, the pagan fantasy in this lover’s soul involves House, Wilson, and Chase speed-dating…just me. And I wouldn’t use a prop crossword puzzle as a conversation-starter. Because we wouldn’t be having conversations! And then the wood nymphs would frolic around the fire, and I’d make a wish on one of Wilson’s antlers and tenderly snap it off because his antlers are actually branches…

Burning questions (in Wilson’s loins): Does anyone want to see Chase and Thirteen get together based on their mutual love of fashion hats? If they had a baby, would it be the best-faced, least-loved creature in the world? And who should play House’s biological father/minister/out-of-print author?

BONUS WILSON!

“O Captain! My Captain!”

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Who wants to play a reindeer game?

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“GET MY VERTIGO POSTER BACK.”

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Secrets…like the answer to House’s porn DVD, How Wet Was My Valley?

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Dr. Horny

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Coming soon, to a hospital near you…

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett