Dan Snierson
March 05, 2010 AT 05:00 AM EST

1. Bret Michaels teams up with Miley Cyrus on the ballad ”Nothin’ to Lose”
Go on and ride up the charts with Mr. Michaels if you must, Miley, but whatever you do: Don’t get on that bus.

2. Oscars tap Joel Madden as house DJ to create party atmosphere
Rejected ideas: Winners deliver speeches dangling 50 feet ”Up in the Air” and something called ”A Fifth With Firth.”

3. Gatorade drops Tiger Woods
Said a company spokesman: ”Even though we’re severing ties with Mr. Woods, to us he’ll always be someone with a deep-down body thirst.”

4. Betty White to star in TV Land pilot
Not titled 88 Is Enough.

5. Ceiling breaks at Purim event in NYC attended by Chris Noth, Snooki, and Vinny
Several partygoers were taken to the hospital with minor injuries, while Noth was treated for acute exposure to multiple Jersey Shore stars.

6. Police called to set of video shoot where Megadeth was using tank
The band was cited for reckless use of a military vehicle in an overly obvious metal metaphor.

7. Modern Family to shoot episode in Hawaii that will air this May
We’re not saying they’re going after the Lost audience, but be prepared to meet…the Man(ny) in Black! Plus: the craziest Claire ever!

8. Blackwater contractors reportedly swiped U.S. military weapons in Afghanistan, checking them out under ”Eric Cartman”
Revised Blackwater slogan: Suspect my authoritah!

9. TLC will no longer air Miss America pageant
Fate of world peace, Mario Lopez now in jeopardy.

10. House‘s Hugh Laurie and Gossip Girl‘s Leighton Meester to costar in romantic dramedy The Oranges
Soundtrack by Bret Michaels and Miley Cyrus.

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