Greetings, PopSasquatchers! The 2010 Vancouver Olympics closing ceremonies are still raging on, but I no longer recognize the Canadian musicians, and Joannie Rochette just rushed through the same interview she’s probably recited a billion times. It’s time to say goodbye. In honor of Team U.S.A.’s medal count, here are 37 of my favorite moments from tonight’s closing ceremonies.
1. O Canada! Your tongue-in-cheek humor delights us early on as only three arms of the Olympic torch raise — and this time, it’s intentional.
2. Some crazy mime/mechanic “fixed it” through the power of facial expression and “dance.” He is an Olympic hero for the ages, and I covet his socks.
3. I have no idea what these ninth-grade snowboarders are supposed to be spelling on the floor (though I did understand the maple leaf). I love a challenge!
4. “President Obama will have to pony up for a case of Molson Canadian.”
5. Bill Demong and Joannie Rochette are flag-bearers.
6. THE ATHLETES! Apolo! Shani Davis high-fiving the snowpeople!
7. Ryan Miller is a one-man iPhone commercial — watch your back, Justin Long.
8. Evan Lysacek, one of the few people not documenting this madness on a small screen of his own, is just lovin’ it (like McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets).
9. “With all four arms ablaze, surrounding the cauldron — unlike 17 nights ago! — we’re back at BC Place.”
10. Team Canada’s MOOSE SWEATERS.
11. Poor Joannie…people just keep posing with her and she has no choice but to keep standing there!
12. The Americans’ Olympic Cardigans are pretty cute, too.
13. U.S. athlete (help me out: who?) holds up a homemade “Thank You Canada” sign.
14. A blonde athlete (?) gives a priceless “Bitch, please” face toward the Canadian singers.
15. Most of these people look like they could use a beer or five.
16. Swedish bronze medalist Johan Olsson’s adorable blue-and-yellow hat! Hello.
17. Norwegian gold medalist Petter Northug is somehow even cuter despite his hatlessness, and looks a bit sheepish that the men’s cross-country skiing medal ceremony is happening here.
18. Tenor Ben Heppner performs the Olympic Hymm. Huge lip-sync gaffe there? Discuss.
19. I swear he just sang “Riiiiii-colaaaaa” like in the Ricola commercial. Say it is so!
20. The Russian national anthem reminds me of Christmas…and The Hunt for Red October. All are about a month long.
21. Sochi’s 2014 presentation features a snowboarder in space (stolen from the AT&T commercial?) and “some of their innovations in sciene and whatnot” — thanks, Bob.
22. Natalia Vodianova, the face of the 2014 Sochi Games, touches a magical snow globe as people roll around in hamster balls and everything sounds like bubbles. Oh, and there is ballet. Who was colder: Greek singer Ariana Chris or some of these dancers?
23. Tatiana Navka and Roman Kostomarov are ice dancing on an iceberg in a faraway amphitheater-land, and I keep hoping the cast of Happy Feet will join them.
24. Bob Costas has pretty severe issues with the presentation of Maria Guleghina: “The troika is a Russian carriage pulled by three horses…. At least that’s what they told me…. “I’m looking for the horses….” (Is this Russia’s version of Lady Gaga?)
25. Crazy podium makes it look like John Furlong, CEO of the VOC, was reading from the Book of Ice. (“This is the word of the snowboard… Thanks be to Alanis.”)
26. “These were excellent and friendly Games.” –IOC President Jacques Rogge, who got booed when he said they were over
27. Neil Young sings “Long May You Run,” just like he did during Conan’s final Tonight Show. He just loooooves to extinguish those flames.
28. Fake snowfall as we zoom in on the torch. Nice. Now turn off the Lindseycam. We get it.
29. What it means to William Shatner to be a Canadian: “We are a people who know how to make love in a canoe.”
30. Catherine O’Hara as a curling stone. Entertaining a sea of foreign athletes is “Harrrrrrrd!”
31. Michael J. Fox is *sorry,* but if he’s watching Canada play the U.S. in hockey, he’s wearing his maple leaf sweater. (Can’t he see they’ve moved on to reindeer?)
32. Before the camera zoomed in, I really hoped Michael Bublé would turn out to be Stephen Colbert. I know, it wouldn’t make sense! But does anything, really?
33. The Made in Canada Parade gifts us with the best Bob Costas quote of these excellent and friendly Games: “Here we have the always-enjoyable giant inflatable beaver.”
34. I missed Avril Lavigne and Nickelback due to The Marriage Ref and my local news. I’m okay with this.
35. ALANIS! But not just Alanis. In the middle of Alanis: more Lindseycam. This time they zoomed in so it was just her eyes. God! Enough! Show Alanis!
36. Simple Plan and Hedley, really? Where’s Celine? Arcade Fire? Metric? Stars? Where is Rush? Be cool or be cast out, Canada…
37. Ooh, looking ahead to the 2012 Summer Games in London. Strike up the Love Actually song!
What did you love/hate about the closing ceremonies, PopSasquatchers?
Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett
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