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'Survivor: Heroes vs Villains' instant react: As close to porn as a network TV show can get

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It’s the oldest rule in entertainment: When in doubt, make half-naked people wrestle each other into a huge pit of mud. And so it went for Survivor‘s latest immunity competition, with testosterone and T&A taking center stage. Shockingly, no tops were ripped off, but there were those two gallons of mud poured down the deep canyon that is Danielle’s cleavage. Which tribe ended up victorious? Who was sent home? And why is Martin Luther King, Jr. turning in his grave? My full recap will be up at midnight (UPDATE: Click over now to read Dalton’s detailed Survivor recap), but for those who have already watched the episode, read on after the jump for more.

(Once again, please stop reading NOW if you have yet to watch tonight’s episode of Survivor: Heroes vs Villains.) The word domination doesn’t even do justice to what the Heroes did to the Villains in an immunity competition lifted straight from Palau in which competitors faced off one-on-one in a sumo ring with the goal of pushing your opponent off into a mud pit. The Heroes won eight straight match-ups. Of course, most viewers probably weren’t even paying attention to the score as they were too mesmerized by the sight of practically nude contestants writhing around in the slop. We were all snapped back to reality, however, when James punctuated the event by tossing his bag down on top of a defeated Randy (who then comically tried to throw his bag back from his sitting position in the mud, only to watch it travel about 17 inches). No one has gone from Hero to zero faster than James, who may actually not win the $100,000 fan favorite vote for once.

Insult was soon added to injury for Randy as he was unanimously voted out by his tribe, even though they all agreed that Parvati was a huge threat that needed to be taken care of immediately. Just not that immediately, apparently. Before voting off Randy, Coach promised to stay true to the man, proclaiming himself the only honorable person out there, using quotes from Martin Luther King Jr. to illustrate his own awesomeness. After being voted out, Randy threw his buff into the fire, a foolhardy move in that it probably could have fetched him…oh, 18 or 19 cents at auction on eBay. Oh well.

My full recap will be up soon, as will Jeff Probt’s blog. In the meantime, enjoy the pep talk Randy recorded before the game to pick himself up in the event he got voted out. Watch for yourself in the video player below. And also let us know what you think. Did you love the down and dirty challenge? Did the villains make the right — or wrong — move in getting rid of Randy instead of Parvati? And here’s a little potential conspiracy for you to chew on: Why was Courtney allowed to sit out back-to-back challenges? Isn’t that a big Survivor no-no? Sound off below!

Follow me on Twitter: @EWDaltonRoss

Image Credit: Monty Brinton/CBS

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