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'The Simpsons': 5 Winter Olympics truisms

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“Without Homer, I’m a broom without a stone.” Everyone suffering from Olympics Fever (weakly raises hand) should try to catch Sunday night’s episode of The Simpsons, in which Homer and Marge casually take up curling and become good enough to compete in Vancouver (of course), on Hulu. There were too many Games-related gems to mention here (though I’ll try: Homer’s imagined Winter Olympics event wherein Santa dives into a block of ice and penguins score him, a stony-faced Team Sweden, “Chillbert,” the 1924 Chamonix mascot named “Ennui,” and Bart’s imagined 2014 mascot named “Fatov, Russian Spirit of Sloth and Alcoholism”), so instead I will list….

5 THINGS YOU WERE ALREADY THINKING ABOUT THE OLYMPICS THAT ‘THE SIMPSONS’ WENT AHEAD AND BROUGHT TO LIGHT/GOLD-MEDAL GLORY

On figure skating — Marge: “Ooh! A sport that encourages hand-holding!”

On curling — Homer: “What, so they come here to clean the ice?” / Bart and Lisa: “Is curling a real thing? Or a cover story for a grownup thing we’re not allowed to know about?”

Collecting Olympics pins can be kind of addictive — “Buy us! Buy us with money!” a smattering of them implored Lisa, who ended up playing sax on a Vancouver street corner in a dress composed entirely of Olympics pins

Commentators are corny — Bob Costas: “My, that delivery has less juice than Sunny Delight!” [Collective groan from audience]

Commentators love tragedy — Bob Costas: “Marge Simpson looks hurt! This is the sort of bittersweet melodrama Olympic coverage feeds on. I admit it: We’re vampires who suck on shattered dreams.”

Bonus — “They don’t give out medals for being a loving wife.”

And I nearly died at this line; not sure why, but here it is — Principal Skinner to Bart: “My cargo pants indicate that I am not here on school business. I am here on cool business, i.e. curling.”

I’m just glad — Homer’s impromptu mode of Vancouver transportation happened to be a bobsled instead of a luge. Anyone else?

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

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