Does anyone else ever look at the total squalor on A&E’s Hoarders and feel a little better about themselves? You can tell me. We can be horrible together. Honestly, I am one of the grossest people I know in terms of cleanliness and organization, and this show does wonders for my self-esteem. Let’s take a look at the pats on the back I awarded myself after last night’s new episode, which featured Bob from Massachusetts, a father of at least four, whose family had been driven out of their house by bedbugs, and Dick from Columbus, a collector of over 40,000 beer cans and other sundries.
–I am way more talented than I thought at doing most of my dishes some of the time! Unlike Dick (pictured), my empty cans of Diet Pepsi are from this decade.
–My collection of holiday-shaped Reese’s from the past two years (eggs, hearts, pumpkins, trees) is significantly less creepy than Dick’s collection of “veterinary statues.” His collectibles are caked with dirt; mine are slightly dusty and have greasy wrappers.
–Bedbugs have not taken over my entire apartment to the point at which I must sleep in a tent on my fire escape. (I just “made it NYC” like Tyra “makes it fashion.”)
–The only other thing I obsessively hoard is email, and that doesn’t even take up space.
–I changed a light bulb the other day — without prompting!
–I assumed it would be difficult to eat leftover deep-dish pizza after the seventh duplicate zoom-in of creepy crawlies embedded in a child’s mattress, but it turns out I was wrong. I soldiered on in the face of adversity! Polished off that sucker like a bedbug feasts on the human flesh of a 3-year-old who loves model cars.
How have you PopWatchers congratulated yourselves during Hoarders? Have you ever embarked on a marathon cleaning sesh after watching the show? And is there any hope for Bob and Betsy and those poor, low-body-heat kids?
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