Just as Jersey Shore settles into my TiVo as Guilty Obsession of the Moment, I’m afraid that a new, um, situation is developing on the horizon: ABC announced today that following the Jan. 4 season premiere of The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love (worst title ever), the network will air… Conveyor Belt of Love (best title ever). And although the show really doesn’t need any more explanation, I will not rob you of the joy of reading this description straight from the press release: “In this hilarious and fast-paced one-hour special, one by one the 30 men are presented on the “Conveyor Belt of Love” to the five women and given 60 seconds to impress them. If a woman is interested in someone, that man will step aside and wait as the rest of the men go by. But if another man comes by on the belt who seems better than that woman’s first choice, she can swap out the man waiting off of the belt as many times as she wants until the last man has passed by. If two or more of the women are interested in the same man, the tables turn and the man on the conveyor belt gets to choose which one he would like to wait for. After all 30 men have made it through the Conveyor Belt of Love, each woman is left with her final choice as she embarks on a date in the hope of finding a true connection. Will these five women be happy with their choices?”
What I took away from that: This show is speed dating meets Supermarket Sweep meets a conveyor-belt sushi restaurant.
What I want to know: How fast does the belt go? And is the belt speed adjustable? Like, if you spot a terribly unappealing suitor, can you whoosh him along faster? (Ah, TV fame, so fleeting!) Another question: Why isn’t this show on Fox?
What I need you to tell me: Has the reality dating show genre just outdone itself—or done itself in? Who wants to hop on the Conveyor Belt of Love and ride it all the way to hell?
PHOTO CREDIT: Patrick Wymore/ABC