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Réalité: Hot-coal torture on 'Top Chef.' Carnies on 'Jersey Shore.' And...porn on 'SYTYCD'?

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Your attention please! We would like to kick off the season finale of EW.com’s groundbreaking-ish video series Réalité with three haikus that reflect this week’s featured shows: Bravo’s Top Chef, MTV’s Jersey Shore, and Fox’s So You Think You Can Dance. Press play below as my cohost Kristen Baldwin and I bid bittersweet adieu to this fall’s crop of unscripted ridiculata, and please do mark your calendars for the Jan. 15 season 4 premiere of Idolatry. Oh, and in the meantime, for all my reality-show rants, follow me on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak!

Sixty-three degrees

Hot enough to cook an egg?

Not for Padma L

Holy effing skanks

Muscle milk and booze collide

Who cleans that hot tub?

Dude named Legacy

Crab-crawls right into my heart

Better than ‘Porn Dance’


Tanner Stransky’s ‘Jersey Shore’ premiere recap

Kate Ward’s ‘SYTYCD’ recap

Archana Ram’s ‘Top Chef’ recap