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The bullseye: December 4, 2009

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HITS
· Lost and Chuck get premiere dates. There is a Santa Claus — and apparently he either works at Buy More or loves time travel.
· If Steven Tyler is leaving Aerosmith for Michael J. Fox, we totally get it.
· The return of Vicki Lewis (the ’90s sitcom actress who’s not Kathy Griffin) on Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Middle.
· The return of Al Gore (the ’90s vice president who’s not Kathy Griffin) on Saturday Night Live and 30 Rock.
· The return of Reba McEntire (the ’90s country star who’s not Kathy Griffin) on Saturday Night Live and the American Music Awards.

NEAR MISSES
· New NBC show United Plates of America is about either cooking or tectonics. Not sure.
· Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and the Pope all don’t like New Moon, calling it ”totally gay,” ”sucky,” and ”the worst piece of trash since Leviticus.”
· Seven bulls escape from set of Cameron Diaz movie. They must have seen The Box too.
· Carrie Underwood: Does she ever look bad?
· Debi Mazar: Does she ever look…? Oh, that’s too mean even for us.

MISSES
· Paula Abdul auditions for a remake of Splash with her AMAs dress.
· Hoping that next season of Project Runway doesn’t have to carry a ”may cause drowsiness” warning.
· J. Lo makes sad play to get on next Sex and the City soundtrack with new single ”Louboutins.”
· Katie Holmes and Elijah Wood on the set of The Romantics: We didn’t know Katie Holmes had a son.
· Justin Bieber mall appearance sparks melee — at the exact same moment, the Jonas Brothers realize they are over.
· For the three of you who were wondering: Pictures are released showing what what happened to CeCe ”Finally it’s happened to me” Peniston.
· Marie Osmond or Janice Dickinson: Which is which? Unclear.

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