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Scott Brown's Hit List

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1. New My Little Pony show being developed for TV
Logline: An irascible pink pony (Kelsey Grammer) solves mysteries, even as he alienates co-workers with his idiosyncrasies and horseflies.

2. Nicole Kidman says motherhood made her boobs a ”normal size”
It’s got starlets up and down Sunset asking their doctors about this cutting-edge ”motherhood” procedure.

3. Angelina and Brad have collaborated to design ”elegant serpent-themed jewelry”
I see a poorly thought-out retirement plan. I also see a very popular booth at Dragon*Con.

4. Ashlee Simpson says sister Jessica has an ”incredible body”
”And let me be clear: She does not have a ‘good personality.”’

5. Courteney Cox signs on for Scream 4
The premise: Someone is killing ’90s stars according to the rules of outmoded, self-aware horror franchises!

6. Zoë Saldana, Chloë Sevigny both show up to party wearing exposed bras
Once, I showed up to an event wearing my underwear on the outside of my pants, and someone else was too, and I was furious. It was my fifth birthday party.

7. Clint Eastwood made a French Legion of Honor commander
He finally has what he’s long sought: the power to (a) summarily execute a man and (b) order a crepe at any hour of the day or night.

8. Ohio school superintendent Tony Scott apologizes for bus disruptions caused by filming of new Denzel Washington movie…directed by Tony Scott
Tony had hoped his two careers — as school superintendent and action director — would never collide.

9. Daniel Radcliffe ”categorically” denies he was photographed smoking pot
”Fools!” he thundered. ”Wizards don’t show up in photographs! Wait, or is that vampires?”

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