You’re here. I’m here. Tyra exists. The cast of Glee is on an episode of The Tyra Show starting right this second. I was gonna watch the entire thing and then summarize it later, but then it would post at like 5:40, and what would be the point? If you’re a true Gleek, you’d just want to throw a slushie in my face for not telling you sooner. Anyway. Turn it on. I’ll just comment as it happens and you should too — just be sure to sing everything you type in an over-ambitious run before you post it. Ha, it’s a Friday afternoon — I’ll probably end up dancing with myself. That’s okay. Countdown to Tyra finding ways to relate Glee to herself in 3…2…make it fashion…
4:00 OMG they’re not on yet.
4:03 I cannot believe Tyra is actually simulating a snobby lunchroom to make fun of these band geeks. Oh wait, yeah I can.
4:04 “Hi, your name is Bethany? And you’re an outcast as well? … And you are religious? Tell everybody?”
4:06 Wow, we’ve got some popular girls here. That’s so convenient. Jerika “says she’s a popular girl in high school.” I wonder if those other three ostracize the fourth, who doesn’t wear a huge headband? IRONY ALERT: You’ve got a big thing on your head, Yasming!
4:07 Yeah, right, kids. Hannah Montana is really stupid but you love Glee. Actually wait, that is how I feel.
4:08 Okay, Slezak and I have to reluctantly admit that Tyra looks fantastic. OH MY GOD IT’S THE GLEE CAST, and they’re not gonna sit at the popular table.
4:09 Tyra just stood up; we sort of take that back.
4:12 Kevin McHale! Mark Salling! Chris Colfer! Cory Monteith! Huge high school geek looking glum in the background! Lea Michele! Amber Riley! Dianna Agron! Jenna Ushkowitz! Tyra.
4:13 “Ah” dare you not to sing along, says Ty-Ty’s v/o.
4:14 Artie, GOOD GOOD GOOD strategy. Tyra has a crush on Tyra, too!
4:15 “We’re getting the word out — he’s not wheelchair bound. But he does play a guy in a wheelchair on the show.” OH THANK YOU TYRA for the public service.
4:16 New major: “The-uh-tuh.” Look for it at zero colleges nationwide.
4:17 The jazzy blue TYRA logo in the left bottom corner looks like it should be on a bar of soap.
4:18 Uh oh! Tyra’s got the runs, imitating Amber Riley.
4:19 Amber just made it work, improvising after Tyra’s totally awkward slow clap.
4:23 “Puck me.” –EW office drop-in Tanner Stransky
4:25 Jenna Ushkowitz wanted to be a dolphin trainer because she thought she was a dolphin in a past life. Sure, why not?
4:26 Amber Riley owns over 100 pairs of shoes.
4:26 “Who never learned to ride a bike? OH MY GOSH? Who would just…die?” It’s Kevin McHale.
4:27 Who came to work with a hickey on his neck? Cory Monteith? No, TYRA FOOLED Y’ALL. She just made that up just now! Tyra is creative.
4:28 Commercial break. You really have to marvel at how Tyra manages to feign a really heavy accent for a foreign language that doesn’t even exist. The way she emphasizes some words? She’s alternately French, monster, idiot, Muppet, Russian? Maybe?
4:30 What are you guys eating? I’ll make like Tyra and just answer the question myself: Sunkist Fruit Gems.
4:32 Tyra totally wants to keep that trophy.
4:33 So this is a real glee club? Oh. Where’s Wheels? Shaft? Gay Kid? Asian? Other Asian? Aretha? (I spot a few.) Girl in pigtails wants to be the Rachel Berry.
4:35 Whoa, Tyra’s sitting in the audience, mingling with the plebes. Are you sure that’s safe?
4:36 Lea Michele has some major cleave going on — total hooter shirt! And with that makeup she looks exactly like Kara “The Terrible” DioGuardi.
4:37 Aw, these glee clubs are so nervous. This one’s singing “Mercy.” I really want Katee and Twitch to break out their door dance right now.
4:38 Oh god, that tall guy in the back was totally me in junior high show choir (at 1:20 of this Idolatry) — two heads above all the other nerds.
4:39 WHY DOES IT NEED TO BE A COMPETITION, TYRA?
4:45 I guess it’s over. Gabourey Sidibe is talking to Tyra now. She looks great and is so bubbly. I need to see Precious. Not sure I need to see the rest of The Tyra Show…
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