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The bullseye: November 13, 2009

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HITS
· Oscar asks Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin to host. Now maybe we can finally forgive the Academy for that Rob Lowe/Snow White duet.
· In his most riveting performance since The Deer Hunter, Christopher Walken performs Lady Gaga’s ”Poker Face” as a spoken-word poem. Catch it on YouTube.
· Bad Dolly Parton impersonations by Kellie Pickler and Wendy Williams.
· If only getting dumped always sounded as beautiful as it does in Alicia Keys’ new single, ”Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart.”
· We’re happy to have alien lizards disguised as humans invade the planet?as long as they all look like the ones on V.

NEAR MISSES
· Wii introduces Biggest Loser game; makes us feel even guiltier for watching the show while stuffing our face full of Chinese food.
· Love you, Alanis Morissette, but our national anthem shouldn’t be sung with the same angst as ”You Oughta Know.”
· Mariah Carey in Precious: Digging the make-under.
· According to the new trailer, Prince of Persia is the tale of demons, a heroic horseback ride, and split ends.
· Jeremy Piven says soy milk gave him ”man boobs.” Sushi to soy milk: ”Way to go!”

MISSES
· Jessica Simpson calls the new Melrose Place ”crap,” then returns to polishing the Oscar she won for The Dukes of Hazzard.
· Kirstie Alley gets a show on A&E. Valerie Bertinelli gets one too, except hers is skinnier and looks better in a bikini.
· Fashion icon Eddie Murphy to guest-judge on America’s Next Top Model.
· 30 Rock premieres in Germany, gets a zero rating: Yet another lapse in judgment on Germany’s part.

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