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'90210' recap: Drugs! Pregnancy! Issues!

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Okay, first off, I love this Ivy girl. It might just be because I want her surfer-chick wardrobe (contrary to popular opinion at West Bev, I don’t think she ever looks like a dude, and I think she always looks casual, not-trying-too-hard hot). Of course a part of my heart will always belong to Naomi, but I can’t think of a better way for Liam to move on from the Jen quagmire than with this super-cool girl with whom he has a genuine friendship, not just hot sex. And on that note: Please, please 90210 gods, bring me a resolution to that sister love triangle once and for all … we seem to be inching ever closer, but it’s high time.

We did get some resolution (I think, maybe?) on the Sasha front, which pleases me to no end. What I don’t get is why on earth a “grown woman,” as she’s repeatedly called, would fake a pregnancy to win back her teenage lover. I’m thrilled, however, that we will not be tackling the Pregnancy Issue — old-school 90210 loved any and all issues, but I like this version heavier on the love triangles and Bitch Factor, light on the serious. Good for Debbie, too, finally getting to do something by figuring out that Sasha was full of crap. (Though what grown woman doesn’t know that no one gets a sonogram in the first month of pregnancy?)

Alas, we did start up with the Drugs Issue this episode. Seems our little budding auteur Jasper (am I the only one who’s now dying to see this black-and-white, mascaraed-up-Annie movie he’s making in its entirety?) is — cue dastardly music! — a drug dealer! We know because Rumer Willis tipped off Navid for his expose on prescription drug abuse in high school! (This poor girl needs a real storyline, like, three episodes ago, as there’s nothing worse than a new character who suddenly shows up in everyone’s business for no apparent reason — other than, of course, being played by Hollywood offspring. Thank goodness she’ll be — SPOILER ALERT — getting one soon.)

Though I still would’ve liked the whole Jasper thing better if he’d turned out to be seeking some twisted revenge on Annie for killing his uncle — and he still might — his dealing did tie in nicely with Adriana’s downward spiral. The poor thing actually serenaded Navid with her guitar in the quad, looking stunning as always in a white dress — it almost seemed like a dream sequence at first, it was all so sweet. But he still turned her down, taking a hardcore you-betrayed-me stance and sending her to the dark side. Soon enough, she was hitting Jasper up for a Ziploc full of pills out of his car trunk. Sigh.

We did get our Bitch Quotient — and then some — filled entirely by the Master Manipulator Jen tonight. She walked right in on Ryan at home with a date, blithely going on about her terribly uncomfortable shoes before getting awfully jealous for a woman who doesn’t care for unwealthy teachers. She saved her best performance for when she visited the date, Ramona, a bartender in (horrors!) Silverlake, at her place of employment later. “I didn’t recognize you; you’re much older-looking close up.” “You look like a singer-songwriter.” And, then, to Ryan: “She looks like she has a great personality.” I still don’t buy the Jen-Ryan coupling, but their “no, you stop seeing other people” fight that led to deciding to be exclusive was priceless. And really, if this finally leads to some final confrontation between Ryan’s now-girlfriend and his new favorite student, Liam, all the better. Her lying to Ryan about Liam coming onto her at the NERD party better be nearly the last straw.

Speaking of the NERD party, I liked the song they performed alright, and the gossip mags’ favorite celebrity DJ, Sam Ronson, was perfectly serviceable in her big acting part, telling Navid to “go for it” with some girls because they were “pretty cute.” (Get it? Because she’s a lesbian!) And Teddy keeps surprising me, seeming awfully sleazy one minute and then distracting Silver from cancer talk by quipping, “I’m using a new hair product in my locks.” And I was glad to see my girl Ivy check on Liam at home and plant a kiss on him instead of beating around the bush — though, wow, I really wish she’d found out what’s under that darn tarp first.

What do you think, PopWatchers? Is Ivy a good match for Liam? Are you happy Sasha’s not pregnant? How do you feel about Adriana backsliding into her addiction? When will the Jen-Liam-Naomi cycle end? WHAT’S UNDER THE TARP?

Photo Credit: Patrick Wymore/The CW

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