Entertainment Weekly


Stay Connected


Advertise With Us

Learn More

Skip to content
Join Now
PetHero: Save 25% at the vet; get toys, treats, and a 24/7 lost pet conciergeLearn More


Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

TV’s funniest lines from October 12 to October 18

Posted on

”You know how, growing up, we all have that voice inside our head telling us we’re not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school.” — Claire (Julie Bowen), talking about her critical mother, on Modern Family

”I don’t want to say we have a special-needs media, but they were literally mesmerized by a shiny object.” — Bill Maher, on the mass coverage of the runaway balloon, on Real Time

”You seem surprised — yet your eyebrows haven’t moved at all.” — Claire (Judith Light), to Wilhelmina (Vanessa Williams), on Ugly Betty

”A man in Houston was arrested after police found him hiding inside a closet with a corpse. They said it was either drug-related or the absolute worst game of seven minutes in heaven.” — Jimmy Fallon on Late Night

”I’m in no mood to hear you fawn over some girl with tacky accessories who lives to recycle.” — Blair (Leighton Meester), responding to the news that Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) may give the speech at the NYU Freshman Dinner, on Gossip Girl