EW Staff
October 16, 2009 AT 04:00 AM EDT

”I don’t have cancer! My mole turned out to be a piece of brownie! It popped right off when I was making out with my new doctor boyfriend.” — Christine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) on The New Adventures of Old Christine

”In my heart I’m a vegan, but in my mouth I lack discipline.” — Jonathan (Jason Schwartzman), flirting with a vegan, on Bored to Death

”You just gotta make [grading papers] fun. For example, every time I spot a grammatical error, I do a shot. I’m trashed right now, and I blame our public school system.” — Ted (Josh Radnor) on How I Met Your Mother

”What’s the etiquette on taking the gifts? Can you only take your own back, or is it a whatever-you-can-carry type of thing? — Meredith (Kate Flannery), when she thinks Jim and Pam’s wedding has been called off, on The Office

”Me, I never wanted kids — don’t have the time, don’t have the uterus.” — Sue (Jane Lynch) on Glee

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