Do you ever get the feeling that Bones‘ producers like to stick it to Fox’s Standards and Practices? This felt like one of those episodes. Maybe it’s because I’ve heard them lament how the censors seem fine with all the violence to living bodies on 24, but get squeamish at the decomposition of dead ones on Bones, and because this hour actually featured a dead CIA spy, excuse me, analyst, and we watched part of his face fall off before one of his eyeballs was popped out. That may or may not have been more disgusting than seeing a handful of cats treat a murdered Russian courier as Kitty Kibble.
Honestly, I had a difficult time keeping up with the case this week. I know that we thought the assistant director of the CIA was somehow responsible for the murder of his analyst, but then it turned out to be the Ukrainian woman who headed the diamond firm that employed the courier. She saw the CIA analyst kill her courier, who wasn’t carrying stones but a USB computer drive, and cut off his hand to secure the briefcase. She captured the analyst and tortured him to death, so she never found out where he hid it. Okay, it was late when I watched this episode, and I’d worked a long day, so that’s why I got a little teary when the assistant director requested that the analyst be remembered on the memorial wall that honors agents only. Yes, the analyst was playing James Bond, but only because his superiors didn’t take the threat he reported seriously. He died in the field, showing more bravery than his laser-wielding torturer had ever seen. He also was clever: he sent the coordinates for the briefcase’s location embedded in what his (ex)girlfriend at work — named Mandy with a ‘y’ unfortunately — thought was a breakup photo of him waving goodbye. Props to Angela for figuring that out. I swear she did more work in this episode than she did in the second half of last season. Hodgins shouldn’t have to do all the heavy lifting, unless it involves carrying a tray of cat crap. (“Everybody poops. They even wrote a book about it.”)
The real MVP of this episode was actually (our favorite?) intern Wendell, who, under the pressure of Booth’s extended hockey metaphor, put the pieces of the puzzle together. I was literally ready to slap Brennan on my TV when she blurted out that he’d lost his scholarship, even after he’d indicated that Cam hadn’t told him he was leaving yet. I get that Brennan didn’t hear him refer to the scholarship as “the miracle” like Cam had, but he did tell her that working with her was a dream come true, and she has been working with Booth for five seasons now — shouldn’t she have acquired some people skills? The “You are one of the best interns I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with, you will be missed” wasn’t quite enough for me to forgive her. Especially when she’d been blabbing earlier in the episode about how her last book stayed at No. 1 on the best-seller list for 12 weeks and she’d been told she had enough money that she would never need to work again. But I guess she’s afraid of getting emotionally attached to an intern after Zack became the apprentice to a cannibal. Luckily, enough “anonymous” donations were made to fund Wendell’s scholarship (and two others). Question: On a scale of 1 to 10, how wrong is it that I was thinking Well, if Wendell leaves, Cam could have sex with him then? Anyone else sensing something there? Or want to?
As for Brennan and Booth, I thought it was kind of a dud episode on the relationship front until their hands touched in the final scene. (I am so easy, I know.) Booth’s post-coma issue in this episode was that he couldn’t remember how to do his own plumbing and he refused to pay a professional $800 to do it for him. He insisted he wasn’t turning down Brennan’s offer to loan him the money because he has a problem with her making so much more than him. Though he kinda does: “You’re really loaded, and you still don’t even have a flatscreen. It’s just kind of weird to be honest, it’s a little French if you ask me.” (That made me think back to that episode when Booth imagined them taking little Andy fishing and coming back to the house he wanted her to build to watch football on her flatscreen. “Dancing phalanges! Dancing phalanges!”) Sweets suggested that Brennan let Booth teach her plumbing as he was relearning it: “For once, I think it will be beneficial if you were the student.” (The look of distaste on Emily Deschanel’s face was totally EWwy Award worthy.) But she ultimately relented. Cut to the two of them side-by-side on their stomachs under his kitchen sink and him reading from Plumbing for Dummies as she brushed a rather phallic pipe with some PVC cement. His hand covered hers as he told her to apply pressure for a minute, and I swooned. (Just rewound it, and it got me again.) Booth said he likes that they don’t keep secrets from each other, that they share whatever is on their minds (except when it involves him telling her that he may love her).”Even with all the financial and intellectual contradictions, I still feel close to you,” she said, looking into his eyes. “Right, because, you know, none of that matters anyway,” he said. “Sometimes looking at it through your eyes, I believe that,” she answered, staring at him with just a hint of smile that made me think OH MY GOD THEY’RE GOING TO KISS. (It was definitely in all caps in my head.) Then he had to reach over her to turn on the water so they could make sure the pipes were secure, and… water everywhere. The dance will continue.
What did you think of the episode? Are you with me on Wendell and Cam? What was your favorite quip of the night? Brennan saying “You know, I can keep a secret,” as she left Booth alone with the assistant director because she doesn’t have clearance? Or perhaps this classic Booth-Brennan-Sweets exchange as they tried to determine if the assistant director’s daddy issues turned him into a double agent?
Brennan: Yes, but that would also fit Booth, and he’s not a double agent. Are you?
Booth: Stop. Watch it, Sweets.
Sweets: Elephants are gray, Agent Booth. But not all gray things are elephants.
Booth: [Confused look, turns to Brennan] Is that good for me, right?
Photo credit: Greg Gayne/Fox