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'X Factor' judges nearly out out of euphemisms for 'boner'

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The best thing about British reality TV is the Internet. If a staggering talent or a national embarrassment generates some buzz over the weekend, The Internet will just gently poke our jeans on a Monday morning and urge us to keep up. Here’s X Factor contestant Steve, who has “a loving feeling deep inside” his pants.

Hard to determine a winner in suggestive language — was it Holly Willoughby’s voiceover that Steve’s a “man who knows all about nerves,” her hope that he can “make an impression on our judges?”, or Simon Cowell’s barely-awake “Can we calm down a bit? Everyone’s getting overexcited.” We should probably give it to Simon just for bothering to speak instead of rolling his eyes toward the ceiling and sighing. Though to be honest, my favorite part of the above video is that it randomly opens on a shot of Cowell glumly using an electric toothbrush. Took me 10 tries to successfully pause on that. Stared triumphantly for a few seconds, then moved on.