August 28, 2009 at 04:00 AM EDT

”Clay Aiken just signed a record deal with Decca Records — the same label that represents Sting, Plácido Domingo, and Andrea Bocelli. Apparently Decca is Latin for ‘your mom’s iPod.”’ — Jimmy Fallon on Late Night

”I’m still waiting for Just Runway, where they interview the carpet.” — Danielle Fishel, discussing Models of the Runway, on The Dish

”I’m thinking confidence may be one of those things people can’t tell if you really have or are just pretending to have — like the female orgasm.” — Phil (Jonathan Slavin) on Better Off Ted

”It was so hot, Jon went home to Kate just for the cold shoulder.” — David Letterman on Late Show

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