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The bullseye: September 4, 2009

Heather Locklear, Miley Cyrus, and Eric Dane made pop culture news this week

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HITS
· Are you there, God? It’s me, Bullseye. Please make sure that Heather Locklear joins the new Melrose Place.
· Linguists amend English language to allow following sentence: Mo’Nique may get an Oscar nomination for Precious.
· Hotter than Leona Lewis, more personality than Susan Boyle. Meet Britain’s new reality singing sensation — Danyl Johnson from The X Factor.
· Does anyone not adore Jason Bateman? Can’t wait for Extract.
· ”Party in the FIP” on YouTube. This is why God made summer — and Miley Cyrus.

NEAR MISSES
· Loving ”Lauren_Bacall” on Twitter even if it’s almost certainly not Lauren Bacall
· Kinda over the Kardashians and their ample Kardassians
· Paula Abdul to host VH1 Divas concert. She does know that this is a show about other divas, right?
· Secretly wishing that Lifetime had turned Project Runway into a movie starring Valerie Bertinelli
· Zac Efron: Show-off!

MISSES
· Eric Dane ”naked” tape: less XXX than zzz
· Seven of the new Dancing With the Stars contestants have rap sheets. Live audience will consist solely of lawyers, parole officers, and Sonia Sotomayor.
· False rumor of the week No. 1: Brad Pitt trashes Valkyrie.
· False rumor of the week No. 2: Alec Baldwin to run for senator in Connecticut. Wait, can this one be true?
· Rory Gilmore, we meant to see Post Grad, but our toenails were looking kind of long.
· Can over-the-hill pecs find love with fake-looking boobs? Tune in to My Antonio to find out.
· Heidi Montag: It’s sad when your flesh-colored leotard has more charisma than you do.

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