Entertainment Weekly

Subscribe

Stay Connected

Subscribe

Advertise With Us

Learn More

Skip to content

Article

Victoria Beckham's 'American Idol' encore inspires (what else?) a protest song!

Posted on

Victoria-Beckham_l

Victoria-Beckham_lThe Idolverse is atwitter with discussion about the meaning of Victoria Beckham sitting in on the American Idol judging panel in Boston this week — even though initial reports indicated she’d only be occupying the Paula Abdul Memorial Chair during the Denver callbacks. Is Beckham’s manager, Idol creator Simon Fuller, hoping to score her a permanent job? Her publicist says The Artist Formerly Known as a Warbling Mannequin Posh Spice is too busy with her clothing line to consider a full-time Idol gig, but as my Idol comrade mjsbigblog points out, “As if Victoria would turn down a spot on the biggest show in America for…Fashion Week.” And while deep in my heart, I know that Idol’s overlords aren’t self-destructive enough to give a vital spot on the judges panel to a woman whose No. 1. adjective is “may-jah!” and whose greatest talent appears to be teetering in front of the paparazzi, I have nonetheless been inspired to pen a little protest anthem to the tune of the Spice Girls’ first (and most devastatingly ear-wormy) hit, “Wannabe.” Sing along if you like…

Yo, now here’s what I don’t want, what I really do not want

Posh Spice I do not want, really really do not want

Where’s Sporty? Where’s Sporty? Where’s Sporty? Where’s Sporty?

‘Cause Sporty really really really she can sing-a-sing ha

If you want a voice coach, Kara could work

If you want a snarky Brit, Simon’s your jerk

But as for Beckham, she’s dull as dirt

Who the hell is she to judge future Lamberts?

Yo, now here’s what I don’t want, what I really do not want

Posh Spice I do not want, really really do not want

Where’s Scary? Where’s Scary? Where’s Scary? Where’s Scary?

‘Cause Scary really really really can be entertaining

If you wanna be the fourth judge, you oughtta have music cred

Or a sense of humor, not just a giant head

If you wanna be the fourth judge, please pick another show

Idol does not need you, so pack your s*** and go

What do you think about that? Now you know how I feel

Don’t even like your clothes! Yes, I’m for real

Oh Simon Fuller, is your noggin cursed?

Posh will make the Dawg seem like he is well-versed

Yo, now here’s what I don’t want, what I really do not want

Posh Spice I do not want, really really do not want

Where’s Ginger? Where’s Ginger? Where’s Ginger? Where’s Ginger?

‘Cause Ginger really really really killed with “Look at Me” ya!

If you wanna be the fourth judge, you’ll hafta win Paula’s fans

Follow her on Twitter, her salary demands

Posh should not be the fourth judge, her solo tracks are lame

Paula can at least dance, and “Straight Up” changed the game

So here’s a story from A to Z

Ms. Beckham? Sister, please

You gotta listen carefully

We got Ry on the stage, he makes a massive wage

We got Randy the Dawg who’s mostly in a fog

Si’s more than just a cog, he’s a real horndog,

And as for Dio-G…well, you’ll see

Come on do the twist to early Aerosmith

Come on do the twist to early Aerosmith

If you wanna be the fourth judge, let’s hear you sing “Wannabe”

Without your four bandmates, will you sound like a banshee?

Why you wanna be the fourth judge? It’s not like you’re a pauper

Go on back to London, and gives us Cyndi Lauper

If you wanna be the fourth judge

You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta

Twist, twist, twist, twist

Come on do the twist to early Aerosmith

Come on do the twist to early Aerosmith

Come on do the twist to early Aerosmith

Come on do the twist where’s Baby Spice? Ahhh…

If you wanna be the fourth judge!

(Follow me on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak, yo!)