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Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

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”What is it with everyone and their questions this morning? ‘Where’d you learn to drive?’ ‘Will you marry me?’ ‘Why would you say that to my baby?”’ — Veronica (Portia de Rossi) on Better Off Ted

”[My character in G-FORCE] trains guinea pigs how to do special ops for the government. It’s just like the Off Broadway play.” — Zach Galifianakis, promoting G-FORCE, on The Tonight Show

”[We] were talking about how dangerous drugs are, and how you shouldn’t do them, unless you’re old, depressed, need a pick-me-up, want to feel invincible…or are just bored.” — Michael Showalter on Michael & Michael Have Issues

”Some guardian angel! How could you let them screw up my obituary?” — Jane (Brooke Elliott), to her guardian angel after the newspaper paired her obit with a pic of a really old lady, on Drop Dead Diva

”You weren’t on any damn gay cruise. And if you were, you woulda come back with more pizzazz, not less!” — Det. Andy Bellefleur (Chris Bauer), interrogating Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis), on True Blood

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