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Kara DioGuardi's return to 'American Idol' inspires a protest anthem

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Kara-DioGuardi_lNews of Kara DioGuardi‘s imminent return to American Idol hit the Internet today, and after a few hours of garment-tearing, violent sobbing, and unrepentant carb-consuming, I was able to compose myself long enough to express my feelings in song, to the tune of Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab.” (Feel free to click that link if you need musical accompaniment!) And it goes a little somethin’ like this…

They’re bringing Kara back to Idol

I say ‘no, no, no!’

The fourth judge is wack

Come on, what the frak?

You know know know

Ken Warwick tell me why

You want to make your cash-cow die

They’re bringing Kara back to Idol

When she should go go go

I’d rather watch someone who’s able

Not some wench who bangs the table

‘Cause there’s nothing

There’s nothing she can teach me

Since she don’t know from early Aerosmith

I want my Idol fine and dandy

So they’ll also have to kick out Randy

They’re bringing Kara back to Idol

I say ‘no, no, no!’

Please give her the sack

Paula’s stabbed in the back

That’s low low low

Could this news be one big tease?

Never forget ‘No Boundaries’

They’re bringing Kara back to Idol

But she should go go go

More on ‘American Idol’: Paula Abdul: Tread carefully with your ‘Idol’ contract negotiations

Get my Idol updates on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak!