During my two-week vacation in “the Chicagoland area,” I quickly became obsessed with Comcast On Demand. I finally caught up on Burn Notice (because seriously duh) and indiscriminately kept pressing play on things called “Meet the Divas” and “1993 Video Yearbook.” But the best On Demand experience by far was when my sister and I stumbled upon the Six Feet Under series finale at about 2 a.m. on a Sunday. We each produced around two pint glasses of tears over 72 minutes, and kept looking at each other with extremely unattractive wet-scrunchie faces to tell each other “This is awesome!” The show, yes, but we really meant the crying. We’re not terribly unstable or anything, but a steady beat of overemotional full-body convulsions really suited us that night. Had fellow Six Feet Under enthusiast Michael Slezak been in the room with us, we may have had to swim out, like Alice.
The next day, we implored our parents: “Watch the finale again, you guys! You’ll cry SO HARD. It feels AWESOME.” So they did. And then we got jealous, so we watched it again. When you know which parts produce the most violent sobs, the anticipation creates an even bigger swell and it’s like you’re crying about the fact that you’re about to cry even before Ruth raises her glass and says “To my firstborn” after other people at the table have said “To Nate.” By the time David hallucinates Keith catching a football at the picnic (4:03 in the video above), you’re a goner. Forget it.
Lesson learned: I want my TV to make me sob. Can anyone relate?