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An Ode to Today's Internet-Based 'Bachelorette' Spoilers

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Bachelorette_l The spoilers are dropping like Jillian’s dress
On her last date with Reid — oh that girl she’s a mess
The spoilers are dropping, so you better stop reading
If you hate TV rumors, how your ears will be bleeding

Some blogs they report that Sir Reid is returning
He once got the boot but his heart is still burning
To a hot total stranger, he could not say ‘love’
Thus did not get a rose, when push came to shove

And puppy-eyed Ed? He sparks gab at this junction
And not just because of his erectile dysfunction
If gossip is true at the end he proposes
Good thing silly Jilly kept giving him roses

But what’s this we hear about Ed’s secret lover?
He seems too sincere to keep that undercover
We refuse to believe that sweet Ed is a meanie
Instead we shall focus on his hot, green mankini

And the final rumor re: the ABC franchise
Is next season will follow a man self-aggrandized
He’s got a hot 12-pack, his body is ripped sin
Meet your new Bachelor! His name may be Kiptyn!

What do you think of the sudden spurt of Bachelorette spoilers? (Reps from ABC and Warner Bros. declined to comment on any of the above.) Do you believe Reid will return, Ed will propose, and Kiptyn will be the next Bachelor? And could this “Ed has a girlfriend” rumor have any weight behind it? Say it ain’t so, folks. Also: Team Ed! And further also: Read Kristen Baldwin’s GENIUS recap of last night’s Bachelorette episode,check out host Chris Harrison’s can’t-miss behind-the-scenes blog, and then follow me on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak!

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