Scott Brown
July 10, 2009 AT 04:00 AM EDT

Scott Brown?s Hit List

1. Jon Bon Jovi gives impromptu restaurant concert
”The po’boy,” he sang, ”is nine ninety-five/And I want it (want it!)/Battered and fried.”

2. A Brooklyn take on Sex and the City is reportedly in the works
It’ll center on four very different friends, with one thing in common: They can’t afford to live in Manhattan.

3. Tobey Maguire finally reveals 2-month-old son’s name: Otis Tobias Maguire
Apparently, they want him to grow up to be an 18th-century blacksmith.

4. Hollywood is abuzz with speculation about a possible Sarah Palin talk show
I look forward to its spectacular debut and midseason flameout.

5. Two Biggest Loser contestants have a baby
”Of all the weight we’ve lost, these 10 pounds are, by far, the loudest.”

6. Source says of Robert Pattinson, who’s been besieged by female fans: ”He’s so skinny and stressed”
Exactly. They’re keeping him stressed, and therefore skinny. (They learned their lesson with Brando and Russell Crowe.)

7. Kendra Wilkinson says she’ll be a super-strict mother
Thereby ensuring another generation of nude models.

8. DreamWorks is optioning the old View-Master toy for a big-screen adaptation
Did Hollywood learn nothing from Michael Bay’s Slinky: Revenge of the Stairs?

9. Anna Paquin says her vampire sex scenes are easier because her True Blood costar is also her real-life boyfriend
”Not to mention,” she adds, ”a real-life vampire.”

10. Sharon Stone’s rep says air-rage story has been exaggerated: The actress requested airport security to help her ”relax”
Much the same way Nixon ”requested” the Watergate investigation.

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