Scott Brown’s Hit List
1. Terrence Howard stops L.A. traffic to save a baby bird
It was his way of saying ”Suck it, Iron Man 2. I got baby birds to save.”
2. Is Evan Rachel Wood dating former costar Shane West?
Coming off Marilyn Manson? That’s like suddenly switching to wine spritzers after a night of knocking back goat’s blood.
3. Gwyneth Paltrow shows up on Conan with extremely shiny legs
Watching at home, Jay grumbled, ”She never got her legs that shiny for me.”
4. Fox News wonders: Were Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt tortured on I’m a Celebrity?
Stupid bleeding-heart media. What they should be asking is, Did we get any actionable intelligence out of them?
5. Brad Pitt avoided bringing his kids to the age-inappropriate set of Inglourious Basterds
It’s not so much the gratuitous violence. He just didn’t want them picking up bad spelling habits.
6. Kathy Griffin jokes she’s on a Scientology ”watch list” as a threat to the church
If that’s true, it’s the most prestigious list she’s ever been on.
7. DJ Jazzy Jeff storms off stage in Kansas City
Apparently the club was run by ”parents” who, even today, ”just don’t understand.”
8. Jon Gosselin denies mistreating his German shepherds
Sure, he’s been spotted around town with other dogs. ”But it’s nothing serious,” he insists. ”Just some light petting.”
9. Jessica Simpson tweets about Ashlee’s baby: ”Bronx put both of his hands on my face today…so precious…made me cry”
You know what makes me cry? When someone from the actual Bronx puts his hands on my face.
10. Heather Graham says tantric sex ”works for me”
”Mostly because I have a lot of time between jobs.”