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Emmys 2017
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Happy 10th anniversary, Jon and Kate Gosselin! I got you a present!

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Congratulations on the ability to barely tolerate each other in public on your 10th wedding anniversary, you guys! I got you the best gift. It’s a single sip of water for your dehydrated child. No, it’s okay, the camera chipped in for the gift and said it would seriously love to be turned off for just a second while your daughter fights the good fight to stay alive. Then the camera begged me to smash it. I’m considering it.

Sometimes, with major decisions, it’s best to really think things through.