It’s happened to me, and I’m guessing it’s happened to you, too.
The other day, I was sitting on the sofa, remote control in hand, looking for…well, I don’t know what exactly. Just then, I caught the first five minutes of Into the Blue, the 2005 Jessica Alba/Paul Walker deep-sea treasure turd. Normally, I wouldn’t waste my time with a movie like this. Not when I have plenty of “respectable” movies on my coffee table that I haven’t gotten around to still sitting in their red Netflix envelopes (I’m ashamed to admit I’ve had Ingmar Bergman’s Scenes From a Marriage out for over a year).
But here’s the thing: I got sucked into the trash vortex. Suddenly, I was glued to the Caribbean intrigue as Walker and his shady pal played by Scott Caan discover a pirate ship loaded with booty on the bottom of the sea that just happens to be sitting next to a downed plane full of bricks of cocaine. Alba’s ever-changing assortment of bikinis didn’t lessen the magnetic pull of the matinee either. Not only did I watch Into the Blue to the end, I actually stuck around for another half hour when USA started played it again.
This happens more than I’d like to admit. Ishtar? Any time I catch that notorious box-office bomb on TV, I’m doomed for the next two hours (don’t laugh, the first half hour is hilarious). Joe Vs. The Volcano? In! Steven Segal’s Under Siege? That’s like Saturday afternoon catnip. Predator 2, TimeCop, Octopussy, Every Which Way But Loose, The Beastmaster, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier? None of them are what anyone would call a masterpiece, but just try turning looking away.
Now let’s hear from you: what bad movie sucks you in time after time?
addCredit(“John P. Johnson”)