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Chris Harrison blogs 'The Bachelorette': Episode 3

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Harrison We have a lot to deal with this week… Dave’s rage, Tanner’s fetish, my lack of love for cars, and so much more. Seattle_Girl, Cynthia, and all the other car enthusiasts, I honestly don’t know what kind of car Jillian was driving. It could’ve been a VW bug for all I know. Somebody thinks it’s a ’71 Challenger, so lets go with that. Sorry, never been a car guy. Last week I owned up to the fact that my grammar ain’t that swell, but the poor grammar on the date card during the race for Jillian is not on me. I will fire the intern who was responsible for that. I’m sure they can find another job in this terrific economy. Denise, I apologize for the terrible picture and my chipmunk cheeks here on the blog. Not sure where these pics come from; guess I should look into that. Last week I also told you that we just wrapped production, which confused many of you since we showed video of Jillian in what appeared to be a final rose ceremony in episode one. Before every season we take the Bachelor or Bachelorette out for publicity shots and video. That’s where that shot of Jillian in that dress came from. Another subject that seems to be stirring up rumors and stories is why, for the first time, production went so long. I’d love to give you something really juicy and controversial but here’s the boring truth: We had 30 dudes to deal with this season and it just took that long to get it all done. Told you it was boring. Plus, we thought it would fool the folks at CIA headquarters!

After the jump: Ed in the spotlight, Dave’s rage meter, and “Western Porn”

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Many of you asked to see more Ed. Well, ask and you shall receive. He got the first solo date with Jilli this week. If you liked Ed before, I’m guessing you love him even more now. Is it just me, or was that the slowest zip cord ride ever? Jillian told me she wanted to go faster but they wouldn’t let them. Now on to the group date, or as I like to call it, the Western Porn. (Sorry to all the porn stars reading this; your acting skills are a little better than that of our bachelors.) Tanner P, I’m sorry man, that outfit we gave you was just wrong. Brad’s kiss… was it “ultra bad ass” or ultra awkward? The Brokeback Mountain scene… let’s just move on. Jillian was a little freaked out by all the kissing scenes but dealt with it. Just know that she wasn’t that happy about all that. David’s rage begins to build, level 1! Sasha got the other individual date. This was a dream date for Jillian… unlike me she loves cars. It really seemed like things were going well between them but Jillian just wasn’t feeling it and with so many guys left, if she could eliminate one then, it just made life that much easier. Jillian told me she was really concerned about his lack of relationship experience. He’s never been in love and that’s something she wants her partner to have experienced. Did we really send him home on a city bus?  What, we couldn’t find a short yellow school bus at that hour? 

Let’s talk about Wes and his golden guitar of love. Please give me your thoughts on this because I have to admit, it’s wearing on me a little bit. Jilli says it melted her heart (her words not mine). She has a weak spot for live country music, especially when she’s being serenaded. Apparently this is many girls’ fantasy. Is that true? The cocktail party begins with Dave’s rage quickly building to level 3. Interesting when you think back to the sweet, innocent, shy Dave that got the first impression rose. Oh geez, Juan interrupts Dave’s time with Jilli… Rage now at level 6! We leave the rage-fest for my favorite part of this episode and maybe the season: Tanner P’s toe suck dance. I’m sorry did he just say, “I’m here to suck on some toes and meet some Jillian”? You can’t think this guy is creepy cause he’s too damn funny. Uh-oh, David’s rage meter now up to level 8! Dave was extremely rude and condescending to Juan. I can’t believe Juan was able to keep his cool as well as he did. As you heard some of the other guys also feel Juan is a bit insincere, they just don’t threaten him with death. This is where it’s really tough for me as the host/friend. In the deliberation room, I could clearly see Jillian had a small clue as to what was going on but at this point she obviously doesn’t know or see everything. We’ve always maintained that the Bachelor/Bachelorette needs to find things out and judge for themselves. I try to lead her as best I can and give her direction, but this is her journey and her decisions. Don’t worry, Jillian’s not an idiot, and she’s a great judge of character.  I have more to tell you about this but can’t at this time. Obviously this situation is far from over, as Juan and Dave both got roses. I will enlighten you as we continue.

I think we all learned some valuable lessons this week: The correct use of your and you’re…I don’t know about or care about cars, but Jillian does… These guys can’t act… What a toe suck dance looks like, and whatever you do in this life, don’t ever, ever fake a shot. Now as my angry man Dave would say, have a great week and “stop being a cheese-ass.”

More Bachelorette on EW:
The Bachelorette recap: The good, the bad, and the douche-y