LATE-’50s GRETSCH 6120
This is the orange rockabilly guitar made famous by Eddie Cochran. Even if you can’t play a single note on the guitar, just hold this thing, sneer, and women will hand you their underwear.
MARTHA STEWART’S CUPCAKES
This book comes out June 2. I’m putting it on my list because I’m afraid if I don’t, Martha Stewart will rip my face off and sauté it with butter and chives. Have you met Martha Stewart? I have, and trust me…she would.
TOMBSTONE on DVD
If for no other reason, you have to see this movie just for Val Kilmer’s performance as Doc Holliday. He makes being an alcoholic with tuberculosis look cool.
I bought the Perfect Pushup for 10 dollars at a local Rite Aid. I do 40 reps every night, and now you can rest a drink on my right man-boob.
TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE on DVD
This is by far my favorite puppet movie of all time. A lot of people in comedy pretend to take a risk, but Trey Parker and Matt Stone really swung for the fences and made one of the most relentlessly funny movies ever.
ALAN RICKMAN in ‘Die Hard’
I love bad guys, and in this movie Alan Rickman is so cartoonishly evil that seconds before he plummets to his death from a high office tower, he has the sick presence of mind to try and shoot Bruce Willis.
TWIN ANCHORS RESTAURANT & TAVERN
I did a week of Late Night shows in Chicago in 2006, and my writers and I discovered this absolutely amazing rib joint on the North Side. To this day I keep a little of their sauce in my pocket.
COMICS BY MICHAEL KUPPERMAN
It has become cliché to say I laughed until I cried, but when I’m done reading one of these underground comics my shirt is literally soaking wet. This guy may have one of the best comedy brains on the planet right now.
THE WIRE on DVD
I’ve never seen this TV show, but a lot of white people who make more than 60 grand a year tell me I have to put it on this list. Again, I have not watched one minute of this program, but I have it on good authority that season 4 rocks!
MY FATHER’S TEARS AND OTHER STORIES, by John Updike
The late John Updike was a better writer than anyone you are reading right now. If you have not read this book (out June 2), read this book, then everything else by John Updike. If I have not made myself clear, read lots of things by John Updike.