Scott Brown
May 15, 2009 AT 04:00 AM EDT

1. Paula Abdul admits she was fooled by Sacha Baron Cohen’s Brüno character
She also expressed sympathy for the families of those poor Blair Witch kids, and mentioned that she still can’t believe it’s not butter.

2. Christian Bale thinks the leaking of his Terminator tirade hurt ”old-school movie magic,” because ”with magic you do not reveal your secrets”
Uh, what ”secrets” were revealed? That actors can be @%$#!s? ‘Cause that’s kind of like David Copperfield ”revealing” he uses hair gel.

3. Slimmed-down Nia Vardalos says she ”broke up with cheese”
However, she and prosciutto remain ”friends with benefits.”

4. Enrique Iglesias and his manager get sued after their car allegedly runs over the foot of an autograph seeker
She’ll never wash that foot again! At least…not until it heals.

5. Shia LaBeouf to Playboy: ”Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother”
Note to Shia: You have to get out more between Transformers projects.

6. Forget Joe Satriani. Yusuf Islam (a.k.a. Cat Stevens) claims Coldplay’s ”Viva La Vida” sounds a lot like his song
Let’s get Billy Joel on this dog pile: I’m hearing a little ”Downeaster ‘Alexa”’ in there.

7. Slash says he didn’t want to be an Idol mentor
But sometimes your country asks certain things of you. And you just have to roll up your leather sleeves, pin back your hair, and do it.

8. Fan makes Lord of the Rings sequel for under $10,000
Let’s give the bailout money to that dude. He can really stretch a dollar.

9. Former Idol star Michael Johns volunteers to kiss Susan Boyle
Don’t fall for it, Sue. Hold out for at least a Daughtry, maybe with a side of Bice.

10. Amy Winehouse bans paparazzi from coming within 100 meters of her home
Seeing the paparazzi sulk, she quickly adds, ”But we can still hang out at pubs!”

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