· Bea Arthur: Thank you for being a friend.
· Jule Chen: But first… Chenbot with child!
· Why is Jamie Foxx a mentor on American Idol? Was Joaquin Phoenix unavailable?
· Universal is remaking cult classic Videodrome. Don’t even think about doing it without Debbie Harry!
· It’s finally okay to admire Channing Tatum for his body…of work.
· Beyoncé kicks Ali Larter’s butt in Obsessed. We’d claw and scratch for Idris Elba too.
· Why is Mary-Kate Olsen a juror at the Tribeca Film Festival? Was the Travelocity gnome unavailable?
· Thinking you have swine flu.
· Creed reunite for a new album. Don’t call it a comeback? Okay, we won’t.
· Melissa Rivers yells at producers, coins the phrase ”whore pit vipers,” and storms off The Celebrity Apprentice. Mama Joan follows. It’s their best joint performance since Tears and Laughter: The Joan and Melissa Rivers Story.
· Actually having swine flu.
· Megan Fox officially comes out as an alien — or rib-deprived.
Bad week to be a beauty-pageant contestant: Miss California in antigay flap, and a skeleton competes to be Miss Australia.
· Kim Kardashian Twitters to the world that she’s wearing a blond wig. World sighs, secretly wishes all of her hair would fall out.
· Pink says her upcoming tour is ”two hours of group therapy”…because ”two hours of root-canal surgery” sounded like too much fun.
· Meg Ryan and Janice the Muppet: Separated at birth?