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'Bones' recap: The Good, the Bad, and the Beaver

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I wonder which came first to the writers: The idea to have a frat-themed crime or Booth’s theory that people have to be bad to become good? I suppose the theory makes sense: The only way you develop problem-solving skills is if you actually face problems. It holds true for Jared, who’s never had to stand alone because he always had big brother Booth or the U.S. Navy behind him. Anyone else find themselves sighing “Booooooth,” out loud, when he gave Jared (now dishonorably discharged and sober) that pendant of the patron saint of travelers to keep him safe on his solo motorcyle trip through India? “You’re not alone.” [Booooooth.] I love it when he’s protective.

We all love it when Booth takes care of Brennan. That end scene (embedded above) was one of my all-time favorites. For two reasons, probably: (1) I’ve never related to Brennan more than at that moment. I, too, have never done anything bad on purpose. Well, not since high school when I was a passive party to a senior prank that involved setting two mice loose in the school cafeteria. (They didn’t move from under our table, so my friends started fake-screaming while I sat there with my head in my hands pretending that I was somewhere far, far away. If I’m remembering correctly, my mother just laughed at me when I told her about it.) Just hearing Booth talk about dining and dashing made me tense up. I would have had to have been so drunk to go along with that. Or maybe just tipsy. Who am I kidding? I would’ve followed perfectly-lit Booth and his black leather jacket anywhere. (2) Emily Deschanel was perfect in that scene. It really felt like she was processing what Booth was proposing. That was exactly how someone who’s never been bad before would’ve behaved: “No, I can’t. Really? No. Are you serious? No. Ohmygod!,” followed by screaming, laughing, and the repeated shouting of “Whoooooo!” Booth, of course, tossed money down on the bar, as any good boyfriend would have done. He found a way to give her what she needed — one less reason to feel socially stunted — but watched out for her and made sure she was safe. He really does care about her. And he always gets a great parking space, doesn’t he?

As for the rest of the episode:

• When will we learn not to try to eat dinner during the first 10 minutes of Bones? The body (a.k.a. Beaver) inside the mascot burning over the bonfire at the poorly-attended college pep rally? Not pretty. Bones clearly not wanting to pop for a large number of extras? Hilarious. Not the first time I’ve noticed.

• Also funny: That dude sleeping on the couch when Booth and Sweets questioned Beaver’s fraternity brothers.

• Do we think Brennan will finally stop dissing Sweets now that he’s impressed her by picking Molly (Kyle XY‘s Jamie Alexander) out of the crowd as Beaver’s killer? (Though what was so impressive about that? Couldn’t we all tell it was her from her nervous body language?) Good for Sweets for refusing to share how he did it with Brennan. “You’re not gonna believe me anyway. You’re just gonna say I guessed, so have it your way. I guessed.” Leave her frustrated and belittled for once.

• Anyone else surprised by how offended Brennan was that the frat boys kept a board counting their number of sexual conquests? I mean, it’s disgusting. But Miss “Man Isn’t Meant to Be Monogamous” shouldn’t have been surprised that men in their sexual prime, living in a pack, would be keeping score. I also found her logic off when she told Booth that all women are technically cougars because they all prefer younger men. Most young women (and I’m including women in their 30s here, thank you) prefer older men, no? At least when there’s not a Harry Potter, Twilight, or Michael Cera movie in theaters. 

• Sweets said real grief comes in waves — interesting. So is that why the family of murder victims are able to hold it together when they’re answering police questions on TV shows? Detectives caught them in between waves of tears, expletives, and physical collapse?

• I don’t get it: What’s wrong with a chemistry professor who knows that her tests have been stolen online putting a fake test on the server? Totally would have been my plan.

• What’s up with the writers pretending that Brennan “staring at the bones until they speak to her” happens all the time? Seeing as how I’ve we’ve been complaining that she’s never in her lab anymore, I we should just appreciate that they made an effort to show that she’s still brilliant and accept that either Cam or Angela often babysits her before she heads out to booze it up with Booth.

• Sheets? Gross.

• Enjoyed Hodgins’ reference to the Turkey Incident of 2009, but Arastoo Vaziri is probably my least favorite of Brennan’s assistants. This exchange with Booth was funny though: “Dr. Brennan said to be especially polite to you when the science was difficult.” “How stupid do you people think I am?”

• I wonder what Molly got for shooting Beaver with a nail gun. Does “I told him not to remove it” carry any weight with a judge come sentencing?

• NEXT WEEK IS WHEN BRENNAN ASKS BOOTH TO BE HER SPERM DONOR AND WE START DEALING WITH HIS “MAJOR ILLNESS.” Sorry, whenever I think about these two storylines, it’s in all caps in my head. Pasted below, the full press release for the episode. We’re all going to lose our s— (in a good way), right? I can’t believe it’s finally here! (I resisted the urge to put an entire line of exclamation points. I’m so proud of myself.)

In “The Critic in the Cabernet” episode, Brennan (Emily Deschanel) decides she wants to have a baby and surprises Booth (David Boreanaz) with a request to father her child. Brennan’s request dredges up a host of unspoken feelings and unresolved issues between the two, and Booth becomes consumed by the prospect of having a child. The stress of the situation, coupled with Booth’s undiagnosed health issue, paves the way for a surprise visit from [Family Guy‘s] Stewie. The diabolically clever baby assesses the situation and offers advice in his inimitable style.

After returning from the BONES set, Griffin remarked on the experience of playing his first dramatic role: “Oh, have you seen it? Was I good? Because I heard they said I was amazing and they want me to replace Emily, but that’s just a rumor.”

“The guy was good during the actual scenes, which is the important thing,” Boreanaz commented. “But between takes he literally vanished — nowhere to be seen. I guess it’s true that Brits and cartoons tend to be standoff-ish. Or maybe it was a method thing, I don’t know.”