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DVD Insomniac: 'Bride Wars,' 'JCVD' and other fodder for your Netflix queue this week

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Bridewarsthehit_l

Bridewarsthehit_lEvery Tuesday a new batch of films is released on DVD. Some are good, some are bad, and some are so God-awful that they need to be seen to be believed. Here are our picks for the week of April 28.

THE BIG TICKET ITEMS

Bride Wars (2008) This week’s glitziest title (pictured, left) is also one that I’d only watch at gunpoint. Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are a pair of bitchy besties getting married on the same day. Neither is cool with that, so bridezilla pranks ensue. If that sounds hilarious to you, then by all means, have at it.

JCVD (2008) Jean-Claude Van Damme’s comeback is long overdue, right? Who can forget Universal Soldier, Hard Target, or TimeCop? Okay, so maybe not. But still, the Muscles from Brussels does his damnedest here to resurrect his mothballed career by playing himself in a taut and twisty heist film that toys with his action hero persona. Maybe the best twist in the film is the discovery about mid-way through that the guy can actually act.   

A TOUCH OF CLASS

The Hit (1984) Generally speaking, any movie that’s trotted out as part of the Criterion Collection is worth checking out. And while some may feel like dreary art-house homework, others like this under-seen Cockney crime flick (pictured, right) starring Terrence Stamp, John Hurt, and a young Tim Roth are 24-karat DVD gold. Put this one in your Netflix queue, stat.

addCredit(“Wars: Claire Folger; The Hit: Everett Collection”)

FUN TRASH

Cold Eyes of Fear (1971) If the name Enzo G. Castellari doesn’t ring any bells, well, he’s the Italian schlock-maestro whose WWII action epic Inglorious Bastardsis being remade by Quentin Tarantino. That alone should give you a cluethat the guy knows his way around cult chills and exploitation thrills.This one is a sleazy, fun, and convoluted revenge thriller set inSwingin’ ‘60s London with a jazzy Ennio Morricone score as thesugar-shock icing on the sleazy B-movie cake.   

The She-Beast (1965) British scream queen BarbaraSteele (a dead-ringer for Rose McGowan) plays a newlywed who gets morethan she bargained for (i.e. witchcraft) while on her honeymoon inTransylvania (huh?). Honestly, who goes to Transylvania on theirhoneymoon besides Gomez and Morticia Addams? If you ask me, that’s justasking for it.

Martyrs (2008) I haven’t had a chance to check outthis new French horror import yet, but based on the drooling reviewsfrom genre nerds I’m totally looking forward to it. The setup: A pairof young women seek revenge for the brutal kidnapping of one of themyears earlier. The result: Apparently, things get very, very bloody.   

BASICALLY STRAIGHT-TO-DVD

While She Was Out (2008) Kim Basinger’s career is a mystery to me. She won an Oscar for L.A. Confidentialand she’s still gorgeous. But when she works, it tends to be in stuffthat’s either beneath her, or barely comes out in theaters, or both.Take this tiny came-and-went thriller in which she plays a well-to-dohousewife who makes trouble with the wrong bunch of young thugs andspends the next hour on the run, cowering in fear. Yes, it’s always apleasure to watch Basinger onscreen. But certainly, she can do betterthan this.