It’s time for Bravo to give Kelly the boot. Yes, her leggy, stony insouciance gave the show lots of press this year. She made headlines for allegedly clobbering her boyfriend and for her nonsense-spewing episode with Bethenny. But girl brings nothing to the table. Too much of last night’s show involved watching her make fish faces at a photographer who told her to always keep her legs spread. Kelly gets a new head shot. Kelly shows up late to her own party, dressed up in what she deems a Mom-appropriate costume (Playboy bunny). Kelly blames her lateness on being a busy Mom. Kelly feels bad (not really). Kelly is mucking up the flow of my Housewives season.
Elsewhere, our NYC broads mentioned the E word. Has the economy really crashed so hard that our women must face a cash bar? Out of respect for the recession, Bethenny wore her Roller Girl/Jessica Simpson costume to not one but two parties. LuAnn’s daughter Victoria (who I have to say seems very sweet and lovely) ventured into Good Will while up at boarding school and spent $9 on two sweaters. (Leave the hand-me-down cashmere to us working folks, Vicki!) LuAnn bartered with a street vendor. Ramona dressed as Robin Hood/Keebler elf for Halloween and prattled on about spreading wealth to the poor.
And, in a moment of truth, Jill was asked by a BBC radio reporter if her ilk was personally to blame for the economic meltdown. You’ve got to hand it to the girl. That reporter tried to trip her up with every question, asking the woman whose birthday present was a new car (wah, no iPhone hook-up!) and a $16,000 hand bag if it was fair that across the world people in Africa were starving. Jill didn’t blink, and said of course it wasn’t fair. She then quickly brought up the charity she just started that raised $50,000 in one month to start a schoolhouse in a Kenyan village. This was potentially Jill’s moment to fry and she shone. Now what I really want is the BBC to go knocking on the doors of Kelly or Ramona — or any of the OC Housewives for that matter—and start grilling.
Simon and Alex probably would have fared well in such an interview.They’re smart cookies, however nut-filled. If Simon could just learnbite back his horrifying sexual innuendoes. As the Silex family preppedtheir shabby Brooklyn stoop for Halloween, Johannes clutching hispumpkin carving knife rather menacingly, Simon picked up the phonybarbed wire and asked Alex if he should bring it to their loft bedlater. Oh Simon, stop. Oh Alex, I’m not sure if your FEED burlap dressis going to get you in the NY Times society pages after Opera openingnight this year either. But let me say this about Alex. When Bethennyinvited her out to lunch and announced that she might have a deal toturn her Skinny Girl cocktails into something big, Alex lookedgenuinely thrilled. She’s a Housewife whose face doesn’t curdle whenanother of the women rises in the world. For that, I give her bad SarahPalin wig, and the image of Simon sticking his plastic gun gun betweenhis moose legs, a pass.
Finally, hats off to Jill’s Halloween costumes. First she went asLegally Blonde’s Elle (though her incarnation seemed drag-inspired)with snippy Ginger shoved into Bruiser’s hot pink ensemble. (Game Bobbywas decked out strangely in a bellman’s get up.) Then she rocked aMarie Antoinette look with Bobby as her Napoleon. Their Halloween looksrocked, despite Brad tailing after them in a white suit splashed withcottage roses. This wasn’t a great episode, but when they tricked Bradinto thinking he’d eaten a dog food party snack, I sat up and howledlike a bitch in heat. My advice to Bravo: Ditch Kelly. More Rosie andBobby. Make Brad eat more pet food.
Well PopWatchers, what’s your advice for Bravo to up the ante for aSeason 3? How badly do you need to get your own paws fixed? Why doesn’tevery party serve shots of ice cold milk and warm chocolate chipcookies?