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The bullseye: April 13, 2009

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HITS
· Move over, Miley! Vanessa Williams‘ bitch-on-wheels publicist steals the show in the Hannah Montana movie.
· The upcoming film Date Night stars Steve Carell, Tina Fey, Leighton Meester, and Kristen Wiig. Did we assemble this cast?
· A 47-year-old spinster wows Simon Cowell on Britain’s Got Talent (catch it on YouTube). Time for a Golden Girls bracket on Idol?
· Sasha and Malia shouldn’t take notes, but we are really enjoying Sprague Grayden‘s evil First Daughter on 24.

NEAR MISSES
· We’re drunk on Celia Weston‘s boozy mom in Observe and Report.
· Emma Watson reportedly headed to the Ivy League. Quoth the Sorting Hat: ”Potter’s ending, but don’t frown; pack your bags and go to Brown!”
· The idea that Lil’ Kim could actually win Dancing With the Stars.
· VH1’s trashy ad for Daisy of Love. Aw, forget it. We can’t even pretend to hate it.
· The ad for Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. We can’t even pretend to like it.
· Britney says, ”What’s up, Sacramento?”…to an audience in San Jose, Calif. That’s the last time Jayden gets to stage-manage the show.
· Showtime renews The Tudors for a fourth season. Are there any deadly sins left to commit?

MISSES
· Lo. Wait, who are you? And why do you keep opening your mouth?
· Diddy protégée Cassie sports a half-shaved ‘do. Tries for new career under stage name 50 Percent.
· True love is dead: First there’s the whole Romeo and Juliet thing, then Heathcliff and Catherine, and now Lindsay and Sam.
· In an open letter on her website, Candy Spelling says she wants to start communicating with Tori in a more ”private” way. You know, like skywriting.
· Miley Cyrus says Alice in Wonderland is ”perverted” and all about drugs. Replies the Queen: ”Off with her head!”

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