Tori Spelling made her long-awaited, post-Shannen-Doherty-arc return to her old zip code on 90210 tonight in a flutter of stiff ringlets and kimono-inspired dresses. And given that this is a show whose recent plot arcs have included drag racing, a psycho-obsessive girlfriend screening a surreptitious sex tape at a theater, and wolf hallucinating, well, I’d say Spelling’s return to Donna Martin-dom was a rousing success. In that it gave fans what they wanted, it was ridiculous to boot, and why not? It’s not like there’s show integrity at stake here, and that’s a principle the producers have clearly embraced at this point. 90210 sort of plays like a crazy fan wrote it…every week. Among the more amazingly awful moments:
* Donna, now a “famous” fashion designer — but only in Japan! — speaks Japanese to an employee on her cell phone while driving with Kelly through Bev Hills. (Bonus points for the bracing realism of Kelly’s warning that it’s no longer legal to talk on a cell without a Bluetooth in L.A.)
* Donna’s hair never moves from its Shirley Temple coif. As my learned colleague Tanner Stransky helpfully assessed it via IM: “It’s dragtastic!”
* Donna wears a bright yellow dress that is essentially a one-shouldered kimono (hmm, maybe that’s why she’s huge only in Japan?), which catches the eye of fellow sushi diner (EW’s own!) Diablo Cody. Somehow this plays as the least absurd part of the show. Donna agrees to whip up a red-carpet dress for Diablo, assuring her, “I have been known to sew really fast!”
* We learn that in 90210‘s alternate-universe Japan, Juno was called Teenage Mommy Girl. Which would’ve been funnier if true in our universe, but my cursory research reveals otherwise. (I could be wrong, though — can anyone read Japanese?)
* Oh, yeah, the big emotional reveal: David and Donna are separated! No! Wow, good thing that sorta keeps the door open for her to move back to L.A….or not. And it doesn’t even preclude one Brian Austin Green from returning — hey, he might be available now!
What did you think, PopWatchers? Was Tori’s return as wonderfully ridiculous as you’d hoped? Was her hair crispy enough?
addCredit(“Michael Desmond/The CW”)