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Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

TV’s funniest lines from April 3 to 9, 2009

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”First of all, I’ve seen her name on Chinese take-out menus.”
—Bethenny, after Kelly said that she doesn’t put her name on things like charity events, on The Real Housewives of New York City

”Human beings are such slobs; from now on pigs must declare us the other white meat.”
—Bill Maher on Real Time

”I’m in my second or third week of marriage…and I guess it’s going well. Last night, my wife offered me the 10 p.m. slot.”
—David Letterman on the Late Show

”You’re a smart man, you’re a bright man, and I hope we never see each other again when this is over.”
—Joan Rivers to Clint Black on The Celebrity Apprentice

”This makes more sense than anything I’ve ever done. Well, other than keeping all my Netflix movies and saying the post office lost them.”
—Moe, before proposing to his new girlfriend, on The Simpsons