Much has been made over the past week of “Valentina,” Prince’s new LotusFlow3rode to lusciously badonky actress Salma Hayek, in which hesings to Hayek’s toddler daughter, “Hey Valentina, tell your mama sheshould give me a call/ When she gettired of runnin’ after you down the hall/And she’s all worn out fromthose late-night feedings/and she’s ready for another rock and rollmeeting.”
His Royal Purpleness may be the first to actually proposition a baby toget to said baby’s hot mom, but he’s hardly the only one to use hismusical platform as a sort of high-wattage Craigslist ad forcelebrity booty. Blessedly disbanded boy band LFO’ wrote their 1999 single “Girl on TV” for Jennifer Love Hewitt, who also starred in the video — and apparently used to whisper to sad bandanas and frosted tips before turning her attention to ghosts.
How about part-time Moldy Peach Adam Green’s bittersweet lullaby, “Jessica Simpson”? What the video lacks in actual JSimp cameos, it more than makes up for in dreamy ping pong rallies. We’ve also got Justin Timberlake’s brutal Britney kiss-off “Cry Me A River” (complete with blond video doppelganger), a sort of come-on in reverse — more of a stay-away, if you will. And a couple years ago, Neil Diamond even confessedthat his smash “Sweet Caroline” was about Caroline Kennedy, who was(erm..) only eleven when the song first stormed the charts in1969.
I’m strictly counting romantic odes here, not general celebrity name-checking (see R.E.M.’s Andy Kaufman-inspired “Man on the Moon” and Madonna’s Hollywood Babylon roll call “Vogue”), though I’m sort of wondering if Kim Carnes’ “Bette Davis Eyes” counts. And lest I forget, the ever-mysterious maybe-it’s-Warren-Beaty-maybe-it-ain’t debate over Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain”… Damn these clouds in my coffee!
What do you think, readers? Do you find this stuff charming or just weird? What other songs am I missing in my celebrity-proposition songbook?
More from EW’s Music Mix:
Does your favorite band hate animals? Let PETA be the judge
Kanye West responds to ‘South Park’ mockery
The Killers’ Brandon Flowers disses Kurt Cobain: Is he crazy, or crazy like a fox?
addCredit(“Prince: Randee St. Nicholas; Hayek: Kristian Dowli”)