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Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

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”In the last 20 minutes, I’ve been hit on by two Bronfmans and a gay designer. It was totally worth it.”
—Penelope (Amanda Setton), after canceling her own party so she could attend Jenny’s soiree, on Gossip Girl

One Tree Hill can be described in many ways: Unflinching cure for insomnia, worst show to take place on a hill, and inexcusable misuse of Chad Michael Murray would all work.”
—Joel McHale on The Soup

”The reason I have some English inflection in my speech is because I lost my virginity to the My Fair Lady soundtrack.”
—Jenna (Jane Krakowski) on 30 Rock

”Two thousand years from now, all of human life will be traced back to three families: the Madonnas, Octomoms, and Jolie-Pitts.”
—Jimmy Kimmel on Jimmy Kimmel Live

”We have a problem. The food division just told me that the extra-fun mac and cheese I’m supposed to be presenting to the shareholders causes blindness if eaten more than twice a week. Plus, no matter how long it’s cooked, it never gets hot.”
—Veronica (Portia de Rossi) on Better Off Ted

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