EW Staff
March 27, 2009 AT 04:00 AM EDT

”Jenna Jameson…gave birth to twins yesterday. She decided to name the boys after her first pet and the street she grew up on.”
—Jimmy Fallon on Late Night

”If there were some sordid childhood trauma we could blame it on, it would really help me out with the neighbors.”
—Bree (Marcia Cross), trying to explain Orson’s kleptomania, on Desperate Housewives

”If I could nail any celebrity, it would definitely be Scarlett Johansson. Hot, talented, and nobody does that many Woody Allen movies without serious daddy issues.”
—Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) on How I Met Your Mother

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