Scott Brown’s Hit List
1. Jennifer Aniston wouldn’t mind being a Bond girl Settle down, Gold Bond. She means the other franchise.
2. Emeril Lagasse will replace the frying pan of the woman who used cookware to fight off burglars He wants to see what kind of damage she can do with a Dutch oven.
3. Mel Gibson denies calling a female cop ”sugar t — s,” but wishes he’d coined the phrase ”Because that one about ‘all the wars in the world…’ has done very poorly in the ironic-T-shirt market.”
4. Laurence Fishburne says CSI ”a natural fit” ”I love dead people, I love flashbacks, and I’ve always wanted George Eads’ autograph.”
5. Hilary Duff says she’s ”the crazy lady in the crowd screaming my head off” at her boyfriend’s NHL hockey games That was her? Guess I shouldn’t have given that lady my spare change.
6. Bruce Willis sued for breach of contract after allegedly reneging on deal to direct and star in movie Which raises the question: What kind of movie would Bruce Willis back out of? The man was in Bandits!
7. Rachael Ray touts her recession-proof meals On her next show, she’ll demonstrate how to divide a single bean into thirds while riding in a moving boxcar.
8. Lauren Conrad on her semiautobiographical first novel: ”I’ve always loved books…that would transport me to another place” ”Like Brentwood.”
9. Oasis deemed ”unsuitable” by China To make matters worse, Noel took China’s side, Liam took a swing at him, missed, hit Taiwan by accident, and now war is inevitable.
10. Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson attend bar mitzvah You can also book them for birthdays. Look, the economy is bad.