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Scott Brown's Hit List

The 10 hottest topics for the week of February 23, 2009

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Scott Brown’s Hit List

1. Ashton Kutcher cuts self on ninja throwing star, bleeds on keyboard ”For ninja have saying,” he blogged haltingly, in pain, ”’One cannot punk another until he has punk’d oneself.”’

2. Rupert Everett says homophobia prevented him from starring in Basic Instinct 2 Rupe, buddy, I think homophobia did you a solid there.

3. Nicky Hilton makes citizen’s arrest at IHOP She grew suspicious ”when the suspect ate an entire Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruity and didn’t head straight to the ladies’ room.”

4. Cruz Beckham attends his fourth birthday party dressed as Wolverine, then changes into Iron Man costume Later that evening, at the Governors Ball, he slipped into a slinky Vera Wang ”Magneto.”

5. Soap star films her first porn Please tell me it’s Susan Lucci. And please tell me she won’t have to wait 21 years to earn her first Porny.

6. Joel Madden says that Nicole Richie’s second pregnancy is ”better than winning an Oscar” In that it’s a shorter, less painful process.

7. Hillary Clinton says the Beatles were a great solace to her ”as I went through my angst period” ”On the other hand,” she added, ”the Stones were best for fooling around to.”

8. Actor who played steroids dealer in The Wrestler busted on steroids charge Right. Next you’re going to tell me wrestling is fake.

9. Heidi Klum on her Oscar dress: ”I’ve been sitting on one butt cheek the whole ride over here, which is difficult” Next time, she won’t order a dress with a doomsday button affixed to one butt cheek.

10. National Review compares Bush to Batman This would hold more water if they didn’t go on to compare Cheney to Robin, ”a boy wonder who looks great in green tights.”