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Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

TV’s funniest lines from Feb. 13 to 19, 2009

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”So now we have pretend customers? Gee, let’s think of something to do with all the pretend money we’re gonna make.”
—Lynette (Felicity Huffman), after Tom makes the employees of Scavo’s Pizzeria act like customers, on Desperate Housewives

”Being gay and having a gay father definitely has its advantages. You don’t feel like you’re disappointing your parents, since they beat you to the punch.”
—Mike White on The Amazing Race

”If I had those knockers, I’d be thanking God too.”
—Liz (Tina Fey), on why she thinks Salma Hayek’s Elisa visits church so often, on 30 Rock

”You don’t have to reveal your uncomfortable secrets overnight. This isn’t The Bachelor!”
—Marc (Michael Urie), counseling Wilhelmina on her relationship with Connor, on Ugly Betty

”Paula, that was so generous for you to promote your jewelry on live television. Honestly, not many people would do that.”
—Simon Cowell, after Paula Abdul gave a contestant her ring, on American Idol