February 13, 2009 at 05:00 AM EST

Scott Brown’s hit list

1. Halle Berry will shave her head for an upcoming film That’s right: In a desperate bid for a second Oscar, she will actually play an Oscar.

2. The Dark Knight wins a Grammy ”Thank you for rewarding my widely maligned vocal stylings,” he rasped in his acceptance snarl.

3. At BAFTAs, Mick Jagger says he’s part of a movie-star/rock-star exchange program I thought that ended after the notorious Freejack incident of ’92.

4. Congresswoman who chairs a national security subcommittee asks to be referred to as ”Jackie Bauer” It’s better than when she was on the banking committee and answered only to ”Gordita Gekko.”

5. Drew Barrymore says her new tongue piercing may be scaring off suitors Only the ones who aren’t still living in 1998!

6. American Idol‘s Bikini Girl says she’s heard from Playboy No stripping, though — they’ll pay her just to promise that she won’t sing again.

7. Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger looks forward to ”quiet prayer meetings” with tourmate Britney Spears Oy. By the time it’s over, this tour’s going to look like a road production of Nunsense!

8. Kremlin denies that Putin attended a recent ABBA-cover-band concert ”Pure Western propaganda!” said a spokesman. ”Mr. Putin remains committed to his treaty with Roxette.”

9. Eliza Dushku loves ”catching a glimpse of my tattoos” in the shower They’re reminders, mostly: ”Soap goes on body, shampoo goes in hair.” ”H = hot, C = cold.” ”Tru Calling = very bad idea.”

10. Justin Timberlake denies rumors that he owns a ribs restaurant in New York City Yet fails to explain why he’s dressed as a giant rib, handing out coupons in Times Square.

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