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Michael Phelps: How can we leave him alone if press-hungry folks in South Carolina won't go away?

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Micahelphelps_lThe latest in the curious case of a 23-year-old dude just doin’ his best to jumpstart a ferocious appetite: Eight people who partied with Michael Phelps have been arrested because one of them attempted to sell that damn bong on eBay. For ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS. It’s too bad this isn’t last night’s CSI: Miami and that Michael Phelps’ friends don’t have Diddy as a lawyer. Gah! How stoned would you have to be to pay $100k for someone else’s bong, man? And without the original brown-tinted water supply, some of whose molecules may or may not have vaporized themselves against Michael Phelps’ thirsty merman lips? Ewwwwwww. Dot com. Bad investment!

Hey, does anyone still care about this? Because unless Michael Phelps pops up on Yo Gabba Gabba to sing a song about sharing — all together, kids: “Puff…Puff…PASS! You did it! Yayyyyyyyyyy.” — we’re just gonna stop. Really.